I know I need to include a thesis and maybe m...
I was going to say, "Where is the thesis," and I read this :)
Ever since I was a kid, (<-seems "child like" and doesnt fully flow) my life has been changed through numerous experiences ,obstacles, and people.
It's not childlike. If used correctly, it can be a life-saver. In my opinion, a strong introductory sentence should always be in the active voice. So instead, you can write:
"Ever since I was young, countless experiences, obstacles, and people molded my life."
While some kids had life easy,(I'm not clear how this relates with the following statement. Instead, what do you think about my suggestion) My life was not easy; My parents carriedenforced and embedded the "Earn it" mentality of "If you want something, then you must earn it" into me.
This is the other suggestion: How about "Earn it" instead of 'If you want something, you must earn it." To me, it is much more concise, and I think it is self-explanatory. Just a suggestion though :]
Although growing up was far from effortless, often filled with tears of my dreams being shattered, and I was constantly engulfed in the fear of failing to live up to my parents expectations and wants, I knew that there were always people that were suffering more than me.
This sentences is very wordy. I think it would be better if you split them up into two sentences.