kamron2011
Sep 29, 2010
Undergraduate / "Soccer is my teacher"-does my essay convey this for Common App Short [4]
Could someone please read my short essay for Common App and give feedback. The essay is at 153 words currently. I wasn't sure how to shorten it. Does it convey what I have learned from soccer and how it has developed me? Thanks!!
Prompt: Elaborate on one extracurricular activity or work experience
As captain of my soccer team, I shout "Play hard, play smart, have fun". I then lead the team onto the field, and I get the usual stares. At six foot, five inches and weighing two hundred and forty pounds most people assume I should play basketball instead of soccer. However, despite my height soccer has been my passion and teacher for the past ten years. When I am on the field I push my body to new physical skill and endurance levels. I can let my mind drift from the stress of school or a fight with girlfriend. Due to soccer I have traveled and experienced other cultures in the United States and in Europe. When on the field, a player's socioeconomic class or ethnicity does not matter. Soccer has given me confidence as a leader to motivate and criticize. My time management skills have been perfected and long lasting friendships formed.
Kamron
Could someone please read my short essay for Common App and give feedback. The essay is at 153 words currently. I wasn't sure how to shorten it. Does it convey what I have learned from soccer and how it has developed me? Thanks!!
Prompt: Elaborate on one extracurricular activity or work experience
As captain of my soccer team, I shout "Play hard, play smart, have fun". I then lead the team onto the field, and I get the usual stares. At six foot, five inches and weighing two hundred and forty pounds most people assume I should play basketball instead of soccer. However, despite my height soccer has been my passion and teacher for the past ten years. When I am on the field I push my body to new physical skill and endurance levels. I can let my mind drift from the stress of school or a fight with girlfriend. Due to soccer I have traveled and experienced other cultures in the United States and in Europe. When on the field, a player's socioeconomic class or ethnicity does not matter. Soccer has given me confidence as a leader to motivate and criticize. My time management skills have been perfected and long lasting friendships formed.
Kamron