Writing Feedback / IELTS essay: More stress for younger generation? [11]

In some societies, stress is now regarded as a major problem, and it is thought that people suffer from more stress than they did in the past.

However, others feel that the amount of stress people have today is exaggerated. They say that previous generations were under more pressure, but the idea of suffering from stress did not exist.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Nowadays, whether or not the younger generation suffers from more stress than their predecessors is a debatable issue. While many people believe stress is a serious problem that should deserve much concern from the public, others are of the opinion that the situation is exaggerated. In my view, although the older generations were undoubtedly under great pressure from both subjective and objective problems including obsolete technology and natural disasters, competition and isolation are equally great challeges facing youngsters in modern life, which can destroy them spiritually.

Could you:
- provide other alternative words so that the essay can be re-written more beautifully

- correct the grammatical mistakes as well as the inappropriate phrases

- give comment about the structure and the ideas of my essay.

Thanks a lot!

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 1: The US's energy consumption and production [4]

The graph below compares figures for the production and consumption of energy in the US from 1950 to 2000. It also predicts figures for 2025.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relavant.
Write at least 150 words.

i203.photobucket.com/albums/aa252/whitecat-sasuke/ieltstask.jpg

The graph illustrates the US's production and consumption of energy in the 50- year period from 1950 to 2000 as well as the predictions for year 2025. The figures are shown in energy units, which are quadrillions of British Thermal Units.

As can be seen, the tendency for the US's figures was decidedly upward, and energy rates are projected to continue this trend up until 2025. The most significant rise happened in the period between around 1955 and 1972, when the American's energy production and consumption experienced a growth of around 20 energy units. The figures then followed similar patterns, though not to the same degree, ending year 2000 with energy rates within a range of 65 and 95.

Another striking feature is that at the end of the period, the difference between production and consumption became greater, with year 2000 witnessing import figures surging to 30 energy units. It is expected that the amount of energy used will far exceed the quantity produced in the next 25 years, making American import rates soaring to 60 energy units in 2025.

(180 words)
Plz help me correct this. Thanx in advance

Writing Feedback / IELTS writing: Commercialization of sports (wrong motivation?) [3]

In the past, sporting champions used to be motivated primarily by the desire to win a match or to break world records. These days, they are more likely to be motivated by prize money and the opportunity to be famous.

What message does this send to young people and how does this attitude to sport affect the sports itself?
Give reasons for your answers.

The commercialization of sports has brought about enormous changes to accomplished athletes' lives as well as to the sports themselves. This has given rise to endless controversy among the general public. In this essay, I will examine the impacts of this phenomenon on sports and suggest the message to the younger generation.

On the one hand, the wealth and glamour associated with successful sport professionals have had some negative effects on the quality of sports. In the past, the primary motivations for an athlete to strive on pressure and tough training programs to succeed were desire, inspiration, and ambition. However, in today's commercialized sports, many professionals consider their career a means to earn huge sums of money and to become a public property. As a result, no sooner do they reach a certain height in their career than they may get distracted by attractive offers of advertising, which undoubtedly deteriorates the quality of sports.

On the other hand, sufficient salaries and prize money encourage athletes greatly in their career. As these people now get paid for their attempts and perspiration, they no longer have to worry about poverty in this short-term, risky and unstable area. As a matter of fact, the retirement age for a sport professional is low on average because of injuries and required strength, which puts athletes in great doubt about their lives after retirement. Therefore, adequate or generous prize money and salary help professionals to focus on their career with great relief.

What is rational for youngsters who have a desire to indulge in sports professionally to do, in my opinion, is to make a balance between ambition, pride, and financial capacity. They should focus on their sports and limit activities in business and advertising sectors that may affect their main career.

In conclusion, the new motivation in sport has both negative and positive effects in this area itself. I strongly believe that young, immature athletes should be encouraged by seniors and coaches to know their limits and to pursue a successful career.

(337 words)

Please correct this essay for me!
Thanx in advance!