Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by ChrisWalker
Joined: Sep 11, 2010
Last Post: Sep 15, 2010
Threads: 1
Posts: 3  
From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 4
sort: Oldest first   Latest first  | 
ChrisWalker   
Sep 11, 2010
Undergraduate / Vires, Artes, Mores. Overcoming shortcomings to be a stronger person. [6]

Prompt: The Latin words, "Vires, Artes, Mores" have been the guiding philosophy behind Florida State University. Vires signifies strength of all kinds - moral, physical, and intellectual; Artes alludes to the beauty of intellectual pursuits as exemplified in skill, craft, or art; and Mores refers to character, custom, or tradition. Describe how one or more of the values embodied in these concepts are reflected in your life.

"Vires, Artes, Mores" has been my philosophy my entire life. Maybe not the Latin words themselves, but definitely their meanings.

I have had to rely on my mental fortitude time and time again. When I was five years old, preparing for the first day of Kindergarten, my dad died. I struggled for so many years to overcome the grief while simultaneously going to school. At times I did not want to do anything at school, but my older brother did so well persuading and teaching me the importance of good grades. My dad's death has impacted me like nothing else. This event, along with my brother's impeccable support, has made me stronger in so many ways. I matured faster than my peers, learned the importance of family, and

motivated me to put 100 percent into everything I do.

Accompanying my strength is my unquestionable compassion. My dad treasured helping others and improving his community. He was a firefighter in Chico, California and an Eagle Scout Troop Leader in Orange Park, Florida. Wherever he went, he wanted to help someone. I am following my father's footsteps and my family's tradition by being benevolent and encouraging to everyone I meet. I want to continue on the path of my father by becoming a counseling psychologist; to help guide depressed and troubled teenagers to success.

I am incredibly excited to be a potential Seminole at Florida State University whose guiding principles are extremely similar to my own personal beliefs. The strength and tradition of Florida State University is seen in its growth from a small college to a women only college and now, one of the most recognized universities in the United States. I want to be a part of that continual growth.

Will you please point out the grammatical errors, as well as what I should improve and whether this essay is strong enough in your opinion. Thank you.
ChrisWalker   
Sep 15, 2010
Undergraduate / "to look at the positive side" + "UCF's beautiful campus" - ucf undergraduate essay! [7]

I've always been taught to look at the positive side of any situation. I learned to acknowledge and succeed obstacles with a resolution. I look for ways to learn and improve. You always have to open your eyes to overlook a situation.Excessive in my opinion Residing in Puerto Rico, my mom raised me.Sounds wierd, try to combine sentences here, also, "the father figure? How about 'my father'?" Even though the father figure was evanescent and eventually ceased to be a part of my life, this only showed my mom and me to be independent. After some time elapsed, my mother was very fortunate to find my stepfather, whom I call father because he took care of me like I was his own daughter. The next incident that I was presented with was my migration to the United States. Leaving the only place I had grown accustomed to was an arduous burden. Familiarizing myself with new faces and distinct surroundings was all part of my adaptation process. I never really knew what to expect but I always remained positive. It was time for my new life. Was I ready for it? It was a lot to endure and develop but I had my mindset. I obliterated all the excuses. I worked persistently and I am proud to say that I am fully bilingual. Being bilingual is a tremendous advantage in the world today and I will utilize my ability to improve society and promote others to do the same. Lastly, the most difficult period in my life was last summer. My father became aware that he had a heart problem. It was brought to his attention that he needed immediate open heart surgery. Knowing that there were large risks, I panicked. Then I realized, what can I do to make things better? My dad and I were strong for each other and we promised to overcome this vulnerable stage. Fortunately, it was a great turn out. After some time, my dad was released to come home. This taught me to be strong not only physically but also mentally. Nevertheless, Competition is what the United States is fundamentally built around. To overcome situations and develop the strength to live and learn you have to go through the lessons that life endows you.

There are many instances where it's too fragmented, too many incomplete thoughts - to many short sentences. Try to combine them or get rid of the excess.
Need Writing or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳

Academic AI Writer:
Custom AI Writer ◳