Prompt: The Latin words, "Vires, Artes, Mores" have been the guiding philosophy behind Florida State University. Vires signifies strength of all kinds - moral, physical, and intellectual; Artes alludes to the beauty of intellectual pursuits as exemplified in skill, craft, or art; and Mores refers to character, custom, or tradition. Describe how one or more of the values embodied in these concepts are reflected in your life.
"Vires, Artes, Mores" has been my philosophy my entire life. Maybe not the Latin words themselves, but definitely their meanings.
I have had to rely on my mental fortitude time and time again. When I was five years old, preparing for the first day of Kindergarten, my dad died. I struggled for so many years to overcome the grief while simultaneously going to school. At times I did not want to do anything at school, but my older brother did so well persuading and teaching me the importance of good grades. My dad's death has impacted me like nothing else. This event, along with my brother's impeccable support, has made me stronger in so many ways. I matured faster than my peers, learned the importance of family, and
motivated me to put 100 percent into everything I do.
Accompanying my strength is my unquestionable compassion. My dad treasured helping others and improving his community. He was a firefighter in Chico, California and an Eagle Scout Troop Leader in Orange Park, Florida. Wherever he went, he wanted to help someone. I am following my father's footsteps and my family's tradition by being benevolent and encouraging to everyone I meet. I want to continue on the path of my father by becoming a counseling psychologist; to help guide depressed and troubled teenagers to success.
I am incredibly excited to be a potential Seminole at Florida State University whose guiding principles are extremely similar to my own personal beliefs. The strength and tradition of Florida State University is seen in its growth from a small college to a women only college and now, one of the most recognized universities in the United States. I want to be a part of that continual growth.
Will you please point out the grammatical errors, as well as what I should improve and whether this essay is strong enough in your opinion. Thank you.
My dad's death has impacted me like nothing else will. It has made me stronger in so many ways. I matured faster than my peers, learned the importance of family, and motivates me to put 100 percent into everything I do.
The last sentece doesnt make alot of sense so i would change this section to say something more like:
My dad's death has impacted me like nothing else will, it has made me stronger in many ways. First of all, I matured faster than my peers, I have really learned the importance of family and it has motivated me to put 100 percent into everything I do.
also, im not a grammar person so i cannot tell you if its correct or not, but i didn't sound bad at all to me.
I think the over all tone of your essay is strong! goood job
t kind of sounds like your defining each latin word
Yes! That is what I was going to say. Take out all the explanations of the words. Simply USE those words in an essay about YOU! In this essay, you only get to use about 10 to 20 sentences, so do not waste any. I just gave this same advice to someone else earlier today: Look for the major points you make in your essay, and write powerfully about them.
An essay is about how deep you can dig, how much of a glimpse you can provide the reader. A glimpse of what? A glimpse of what you are all about as a student. Are you someone with a detailed plana and a lot of aspirations?
Tell us all the same things you tell us in this essay, but do it in 1/3 the number of words. Be concise to save space, and use that space to describe your ambitions in your chosen fields of interest.
"Vires, Artes, Mores" has been my philosophy my entire life. Maybe not the Latin words themselves, but definitely their meanings.
My new rendition. Is it better? How else can I improve it?
Thanks!
