Undergraduate / "I am the master of my fate + Communication technology" - Brown Supplements [5]

Hello! I'm applying to Brown and here are the two drafts that I've written for the supplement questions. I really need help! Thanks, R+R :]!

Please tell us more about your interest in Brown: Why does Brown appeal to you as a college option? Who or what has influenced your decision to apply? (1000 Characters Maximum)

One of my favorite poets, William Henley once wrote "I am the master of my fate: I am the captain of my soul." I understand that college is a time of education and preparation for a career. Yet I enter college reflecting Henley's sentiments: it is a time for self-discovery and independence as well.

Brown University, with its spirit of free inquiry and its unique open curriculum, endows students with the responsibility of choosing their own courses, essentially making them "captains" of their education. I do not claim to know what I want to do in the future, but I want to pave my path with my own decisions and choices by taking full advantage of the academic independence offered at Brown. I enter college as a lost ship, and Brown will allow me to take the wheel and navigate my way through the unknown seas.

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Why are you drawn to the academic fields you indicated in the Anticipated Degree and Academic Interest questions above? (1000 Characters Maximum)

During the past fifty years, communication has changed drastically with the advent of new technologies such as cell phones and computers, and with innovations like email, online chatting, and texting. Relationships have followed suit: many now interact through online social networks such as Facebook; even dating has been moved to the Internet with websites like eHarmony.

As a sociology enthusiast, nothing could be more exciting than these new forms of communication. Relationships...
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Undergraduate / "Playing sports is like being in a relationship" - Rice Perspective Essay [2]

Hey Guys!
I'm applying to Rice, and I would like someone to help edit my Rice essay.
R+R :]. Thanks!

The quality of Rice's academic life and the Residential College System are heavily influenced by the unique life experiences and cultural traditions each student brings. What perspective do you feel that you will contribute to life at Rice? (Most applicants are able to respond successfully in two to three double-spaced pages.)

Playing sports is like being in a relationship: The more you give, the more you receive. In eighth grade, I had not quite understood the importance of this idea, and I treated football like a hobby, missing practices and games for juvenile reasons like a camping trip or a movie night. Understandably, I was dumped, and by the middle of the season I had lost my position as starting offensive guard and had been relegated to a new position: benchwarmer. The second half of the season was insufferable, and with every passing game I felt more humiliation as I made the steel bench my home. At the last game of the season, I cried despite the fact that we won. Angrily, I swore that I would never play football again.

The next fall, in my freshman year of high school, I was presented again with the prospect of playing football. Still bitter from the previous season, I felt that I had no incentive to play. But despite my animosity towards the game, I had played it for six years already, and the strange and frightening concept of a fall season without football convinced me to try it again.

Humbled from what had happened the previous season, I worked hard during the preseason practices and earned my first career defensive start as an outside linebacker. I felt at ease playing the defensive position, and through it I rediscovered my joy in playing the game. I began looking forward to football practices, and during long school days I would often catch myself glancing at the clock, counting down the minutes. I appreciated the many facets of the game: its paradoxical combination of vicious physicality with mental awareness, the camaraderie of the team, and the competitive nature. When the freshman football season ended, I continued my commitment to football in offseason training, attending lifting sessions in the school year and practices in the summer.

In the following four years, my passion for football grew, and my commitment to the program did as well. In my senior year, I was voted to be a team captain in recognition of my hard work. I had come a long way from the young adolescent who merely participated in football but did not become involved in it. Now, I was a capable leader who was willing to sacrifice my own needs for the team. Football also shaped other aspects of my high school career. I carried over the intensity and commitment from football into my other sport, lacrosse, as well as my participation in my Junior Statesmen of America club and my volunteering at my local church, intensifying my involvement and impact in each. And through the academic crunch that I experienced every fall, I learned to organize my schedule and manage my time, a skill that has proved extremely useful. I played football to become a better football player, but it has paid me in dividends by helping me to become a better person as well.

I bring this perspective of commitment to Rice University. Through football, I have not only learned how to give time to something, but also the importance of having passion. At Rice University, I will not be just a student, but an active member in the Rice Community, because I have learned that the more I give, the more I will receive.