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"the interconnectedness of the Core" What Appeals To Me About Columbia


blackpixel23 19 / 46  
Dec 20, 2010   #1
First off, thank you so much for your time for looking at this supplement. I would love some serious criticism because I know that I talk about things alot of people probably will but these honestly are what attract me to Columbia the most. My thing is around 1700 words so if you see spots for change please share. Thanks again and link me your essays and I will surely read them.

PS: Yeah, I know the ending is terribly cliche and sappy. Any ideas?
PSS: I wanted to go into detail about why I want Columbia for my engineering major but I mean, isn't that what the engineering essay is for?

After trudging up and down the East Coast for several days, bogged down by spring showers, I arrived at the gates of Columbia drenched not in water but in sunshine. The clouds had surprisingly opened up, as if someone up above wanted me to view Columbia in its entirety. The silence among the university's buildings startled me first. Having just adjusted to the outside blur of car horns and footsteps, I was delighted with this calmness, not just because it was immediate relief but because such a thing existed in New York City. Columbia would become my sanctuary. Then came the buildings themselves. The mesmerizing bricks of the undergraduate housing contrasted against the stunning granite of Low Memorial. I can't imagine myself forming world-shattering theories or having overflowing study parties anywhere else than on the steps of Low and in the halls of Hartley.

I'm also in love with the intellectual offerings that lie under Columbia's façade, most notably the Core. I love the rigidity of energy conservation while at the same adore the nuances of Invisible Man. I engross myself into readings about the Cuban Missile Crisis as well as articles about street fashion. The Core allows me to maintain my obsessions while simultaneously helping me discover new ones. It'll expose me to aspects I haven't seen yet of the subjects that I love. Most importantly to me though is the interconnectedness of the Core. Not just the one on campus, but the one that encompasses every Columbia alumni. I want that experience of seamlessly conversing about the Symposium by Plato with a graduate from four decades ago. For someone like me who revels in meeting and interacting with people, the Core stands unrivaled.

Each day in Columbia will be me living the life I love.

MaKeVi 2 / 4  
Dec 20, 2010   #2
I believe you mean 1700 characters? And what is the limit for this supplement, such information would help whoever is reviewing your essay greatly. For the sake of others, I will put it up here.

Please tell us what you find most appealing about Columbia and why (1500 Characters):

The introductory paragraph is good, it is a novel approach and you have written it well.
Just some edits to your second paragraph that will help shorten things up.

I'm also in love with the intellectual offerings that lie under Columbia's façade, most notablyof the Core. I love the rigidity of energy conservation while at the same adore the nuances of Invisible Man. I engross myself into readings about the Cuban Missile Crisis as well as articles about street fashion.I am a student with many interests (for instance I enjoy reading about the Cuban Missile Crisis and street fashion) and the Core allows me to maintain my obsessions while simultaneously helping me discover new ones. It'll expose me to aspects I haven't seen yet of the subjects that I love. Most importantly to me though is the interconnectedness of the Core. Not just the one on campus, but the one that , which encompasses every Columbia alumni. I want that experience of seamlessly conversing about the Symposium by Plato with a graduate from four decades ago. For someone like me who revels in meeting and interacting with people, the Core stands unrivaled.
OP blackpixel23 19 / 46  
Dec 21, 2010   #3
Good point. All of these supplements are becoming a big blur and thanks for pointing out my mistake. The limit is 1500 characters! Also, thanks for helping cut down my second part. I'm thinking of reworking my entire first part though to discuss something more specific. Until then, any more comments would be loved.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,335 129  
Dec 31, 2010   #4
I want Columbia for my engineering major but I mean, isn't that what the engineering essay is for?

Yes, but you can write about your aspiration in many different ways. You can relate it to the world you come from in one essay and to the campus culture of Columbia in another essay. Each essay can have a unique theme based on the combination you choose. If you write about your engineering aspiration in relation to your current extracurricular activities, what theme would emerge? Maybe your theme would be "preoccupation" or "feeling misunderstood." That sort of thing makes an essay interesting and meaningful.

In this essay, the first part makes a brilliant contrast between the busy atmosphere of NY and the tranquility of the campus, and this is my favorite: as if someone up above wanted me to view Columbia in its entirety...

In the second part, when you start talking about the core you lose me. Only talk about how the core fits with this contrast you have just introduced. Narrow your focus, and stick with that great theme. Keep that theme, and the reader will have a memorable experience.

:-)


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