Writing Feedback / Is the dependence on computers a good thing? [4]

But it will makes them tired if they must walk on a long way. This is confusing

Besides "besides" doesn't seem to flow, use another transition , overusing computers can lead to some diseases.

Schoroeder, editor of ML standard has said : "Rather than having "no" button some touch screen, I need to shake my head".

Abusing them will lead our world to remain undeveloped instead of achieving strong development, as we expect.

Undergraduate / Matching a closing sentence with hook (academic interests and/or professional goals) [4]

thank you! you've just sparked an idea, i'm going to perfect my ending.

I'll let you know what it is when I'm done!

Any more helpful ideas are appreciated!

Undergraduate / "Solo" My essay in the Application for UNCW. [3]

"OK, this is your spot, Connor," my instructor told me this and nothing more. Two weeks prior to this moment, I was safe at home, away from the dangers and the solitude of the world. My family and I were getting ready for a movie night before I was to wake up for a plane ride to Seattle, Washington, to engage a rigorous three week Outward Bound course.<<Comma splice, cut the sentence into two sentences That nights choice was "Deliverance," selected by my father, who couldn't stop laughing ( for reasons that only he knew at the time) . Needless to say, after the film, I crawled into bed and had second thoughts about my "trip of a lifetime." I now understood why my father was in tears laughing, what a sick sense of humor he has! Morning came; it was the first time I had ever been on a plane alone, much less crossing the country. The flight was somewhat of a bore but I probably would have appreciated it more had I known what I was to face in the weeks ahead. Finally, after two transfers, I arrived in Seattle, Washington, where I stood in awe of Mount Rainer. Surely I was not going to climb this mountain! One look and I suddenly became quite skittish as an image of my falling a thousand feet to my death sprang into my mind like something out from a Stephen King novel. The fear passed as I ignored my thoughts listening to my iPod.

Grammar, Usage / The usage of "whom", "also", parallelism" - Few Grammar Sentence Corrections [5]

Thank you!