Undergraduate / My Experience with Autism - Penn State Personal Statement [7]

Please tell us something about yourself, your experiences, or activities that you believe would reflect positively on your ability to succeed at Penn State. This is your opportunity to tell us something about yourself that is not already reflected in your application or high school record.

I've just finished my personal statement and am now working on perfecting it by fixing, polishing and enhancing anything I can. Think of this as the rough draft. I would like honest criticism and any tips, hints or suggestions. Thanks!:

Growing up, things were different in my house. I had an interesting experience that most people don't encounter. My older brother, Greg, is autistic which is a severe disability affecting social interaction and communication. He wasn't like most brothers, always in his own world and talking to himself instead of me. Living with him has taught me patience, empathy and perseverance.

My brother has been a driving force in my active participation and leadership in Special Olympics Summer Games. I found myself poolside with a stopwatch every summer, tolerating the heat and the long hours, just to try and make a difference in one athlete's life. My brother never thanked me for being there but that didn't matter. It was never about the recognition. I got back as much as I gave, learning about acceptance, open-mindedness, diversity and determination despite obstacles.

Although he'll never go to college what he taught me, without even knowing it, will always be a part of me.The size, spirit, atmosphere and energy of Penn State along with the diverse student population create(s?) the perfect environment for me to continue to learn, grow and share my experiences.

I'm having a little bit of trouble wrapping up my concluding paragraph and somehow connecting everything I talked about to bringing it to Penn State

Undergraduate / Personal Statement - My brother, Living with Autism [4]

Personal Statement: Please tell us something about yourself, your experiences, or activities that you believe would reflect positively on your ability to succeed at Penn State. This is your opportunity to tell us something about yourself that is not already reflected in your application or high school record. (1200 word count including spaces and characters)

Growing up, things were different in my house. I had an interesting experience that most people don't encounter. My older brother, Greg, is autistic which is a severe disability affecting social interaction and communication. He wasn't like most brothers, always in his own world and talking to himself instead of me. Living with him has taught me patience, empathy and perseverance.

My brother has been a driving force in my active participation and leadership in the Special Olympics Summer Games. I found myself poolside with a stopwatch every summer, tolerating the heat and the long hours, just to try and make a difference in one athlete's life. My brother never thanked me for being there but that didn't matter. It was never about the recognition. I got back as much as I gave, learning about acceptance, open-mindedness, diversity and determination despite obstacles.

Although my brother will never go to college what he taught me, without even knowing it, will always be a part of me. The size, spirit, atmosphere and energy of Penn State along with the diverse student population create the perfect environment for me to continue to learn, grow and expand upon my experiences. Living with autism has shaped my past, and I look forward to Penn State shaping my future.