Personal Statement: Please tell us something about yourself, your experiences, or activities that you believe would reflect positively on your ability to succeed at Penn State. This is your opportunity to tell us something about yourself that is not already reflected in your application or high school record. (1200 word count including spaces and characters)
Growing up, things were different in my house. I had an interesting experience that most people don't encounter. My older brother, Greg, is autistic which is a severe disability affecting social interaction and communication. He wasn't like most brothers, always in his own world and talking to himself instead of me. Living with him has taught me patience, empathy and perseverance.
My brother has been a driving force in my active participation and leadership in the Special Olympics Summer Games. I found myself poolside with a stopwatch every summer, tolerating the heat and the long hours, just to try and make a difference in one athlete's life. My brother never thanked me for being there but that didn't matter. It was never about the recognition. I got back as much as I gave, learning about acceptance, open-mindedness, diversity and determination despite obstacles.
Although my brother will never go to college what he taught me, without even knowing it, will always be a part of me. The size, spirit, atmosphere and energy of Penn State along with the diverse student population create the perfect environment for me to continue to learn, grow and expand upon my experiences. Living with autism has shaped my past, and I look forward to Penn State shaping my future.
Oh, I noticed you uploaded a new thread, and I commented on your old one. So just in case you didn't see the old comment:
"I think you can take out the sentence "I had an interesting experience that most people don't encounter." because it's evident with your next sentence.
I think you have a great start but if possible, I would definitely add more info about why you particularly would succeed at Penn State. What are specific things about Penn State will help you "learn, grown and share your experiences?" I feel like you could copy and paste this essay to another school and say the same thing. Make it special for Penn State. Otherwise, I think it's great. :)
My brother went to Penn State! He loved it! :) Good luck!
And if you have time, I'd love your feedback on my Common App essay. :)"
Living with him has taught me patience, empathy and perseverance.
Well these things only reflect his disability, but I have known people with autism and they also have lessons to teach. Autism comes from too much focus on particular things, and that is why many autistic people have incredible talents. So... maybe this essay needs to discuss not only the patience you needed but also the real insight you gained, the lessons you learned by watching him work.
My brother never thanked me for being there but that didn't matter. It was never about the recognition. No need to include these sentences, becaus as you say it is not about that.
Living with autism--- unclear... makes it sound like you have autism.
:-)
Don't have this be just about you helping him; let it also be about his subtle wisdom and how you learn from him.
