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Posts by zinger14
Joined: Oct 11, 2010
Last Post: Oct 16, 2010
Threads: 2
Posts: 3  
From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 5
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zinger14   
Oct 11, 2010
Undergraduate / (volunteering at the library) - Common App - Activities Essay [9]

Working as a Volunteer at a Library



As I step into my local library, I am greeted by a sea of eager children. Their excited chatter fills the air, and their shining faces put a smile on my own. I have been volunteering at the library ever since I was old enough to, and while hours of basic duties like shelving books and organizing magazine stacks have shaped me into a diligent, careful person who is not afraid to work, leading children library activities has been the most rewarding, and my favorite, duty of all. From inventing a theme to picking out books and designing crafts, each step of the process requires creative thinking and precise planning. Yet the best part is seeing the wonder in the eyes of the children as I read to them. Being able to pass on my own passion for books and bring a bit of magic into these kids' lives reminds me day after day just why I love to volunteer.

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Very, very rough draft... as it stands, I'm at 167 words. Should I just scrap the first two sentences? What about the last couple sentences? Is it a problem that they don't talk so much about how the activity has improved me, it's more just why I enjoy doing it.

First post! Thanks for the help, everyone.
zinger14   
Oct 15, 2010
Undergraduate / (volunteering at the library) - Common App - Activities Essay [9]

Thanks for the input, everyone!

crabball: I totally get your point, but at this point I'm looking to cut down on words rather than add more. What do you think about "who is not afraid to work"?

I'm still over the 150 word limit! How strict is the limit? Is there a certain amount you can go over and still be OK? I'm 10 words over.
zinger14   
Oct 16, 2010
Undergraduate / The Turkish Community - Common Application [7]

According to Abraham Maslow there are five basic needs that humans must have to sustain live:. Those being physicals things, safety, love and belonging, esteem, and self actualization. In order to reach the highest level of this process,which is self actualization, all other needs must be met. Self actualization is a person needing to be what they were "born to do". The community you belong to plays a great role in all of these needs. The community that I feel I most strongly belong to is being Turkishthe Turkish community . Growing up,much of this communitythis was not obvious to me. I called myself an American. My parents always makingmade sure our physical needs were met, and not once did I feel like they weren't. We were always sent to the best schools, and my parents always made sure that we would be safe. I felt loved by everyone: my friends, family, and teachers. I was still a young child growing up and learning new things. I then reached the point where I was in seventh gradea point in seventh grade when I was happy, but I felt something was missing. I knew I was Turkish, but I could (do you mean to put "not"?) write or read and had difficulties speaking the language. Upon realizing this, I felt out of place. I was a Turk, but besides my last name there was nothing that showed this. That year I taught myself how to read and write, the alphabet being the same it was not that difficult . I began to watch Turkish movies, striving to expand my vocabulary. Something was missing. Finally after four years of not going to Turkey, my parents surprised us with a trip. We packed our bags and flew to our native country. I had butterflies in my stomach the whole way,. A fter a long 10 hour flight we finally arrived. I looked around at all the people and that's when I felt I finally belonged somewhere. All my life it had been as if I had been wanting (missing? This sentence is a little confusing.) this smell, the air, the people. I was a confident being I loved being Turkish. (<- Confusing sentence, are you trying to say you are confident AND love being Turkish, you are confident BECAUSE you are Turkish, or what?) I loved replying to the question, "Where are you from?" Finally, all my needs were met. I long to learn what I was "born to do." but for the moment, I am still young living my life, one step at a time.

Good start, but I feel like you could expand more on how being a member of the Turkish community impacts you. Why exactly do you love answering that question? What needs were met? Give us more detail on belonging to the community and how that affects you rather than leading up to you finding your place in the community.
zinger14   
Oct 16, 2010
Undergraduate / "I am an anticarcinogen" - MIT undergrad [14]

I really like you essay! The idea of laughter curing cancer is a nice idea, and I really like how you used it in your conclusion. The structure of your first paragraph/introduction seemed a little awkward to me when I first read it, though. I can't really say specifically what bothers me, but I think its how each sentence is pretty short so it seems a little bit choppy. Again, I don't know exactly what I would change to make it better, though, so if you decided to keep it I think it would be OK too.
zinger14   
Oct 16, 2010
Undergraduate / Cancer, tumor in brain -- Common App (Significant Exp) [3]

Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.

Beep beep. Whirr. The tight white grid of my face mask was suffocating. The hard table and the "headrest" were uncomfortable at best, torture at worst. All I could do was follow the movement of the slowly rotating machine, follow its glowing red eye with my own. All I could do was lay utterly still as it beamed waves and waves of ionizing radiation upon my body. Twenty minutes later, although it seemed like an eternity, the experience was over. My radiation therapy was complete, though only for the day. I would be back to continue the battle tomorrow.

Less than two months into my junior year, my doctor gave me the worst news I had ever heard in my life: "You have a brain tumor." I could hardly comprehend what she was saying. My mind flew to the sad faces of bald cancer-stricken children I'd seen on T.V. and in American Cancer Society pamphlets. Surely cancer was something that only happened in movies and to other people, I had thought. It couldn't possibly be happening to me.

One week and two exploratory brain surgeries later, I was just beginning to come to accept my situation when fate struck me a second blow. "Due to its close proximity to the optic nerve, we can't remove your tumor surgically. You will have to undergo radiation therapy." Six weeks of daily radiation therapy in a hospital several hours away, to be exact. Outwardly I remained calm, but inwardly my mind bombarded me with objections. It's junior year! That's pretty much the most important year of high school! What about your clubs? Your activities? Your volunteer work? What about all your classes?

Once I got past the initial shock, I slowly began to see the circumstances in a different light. It was a test, I figured, a fight against an invisible enemy where only the strong would come out on top. I was fighting my cancer through the treatment, but at the same time I was also battling my own inner weaknesses. Without immediate deadlines or obligations, it would have been so easy to fall prey to lazy habits during those six weeks spent in a hotel all day every day. I had never had a gift for organization or time management, but my newfound determination to not let workload, or my health, spiral out of control quickly forced me to develop those skills. The hours I spent contacting my teachers, working with them to develop a system in which I could stay relatively caught up with the rest of my classmates, and coordinating all the assignments and tests I still needed to make up, coupled with the daily radiation, both exhausted and depressed me. But paradoxically, they also strengthened me and steeled my tenacity.

As quickly as they began, the six weeks were over. I had won the battle. I returned to school proudly brandishing the fruits of my efforts: my newly bald head, courtesy of the radiation, my grades, which I had not allowed to slip at all during the time I was gone, and a deep-rooted resolve that now that I had beaten this, I could do anything. I have come to accept that perseverance and sheer willpower can't cure my tumor, nor can they eliminate all my obstacles, but having these qualities certainly will help. Though the war is far from over-triannual MRI scans still reveal a tumor that may never completely disappear-I will continue to push forward, to fight for something better, and to treat each moment as something precious.

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Whew! I just wrote this in one sitting, so it's definitely a little rough. I really wanted to do this subject, but I wasn't sure how exactly to approach it... I feel like it may be a little scattered. My biggest fear is that it will come off sounding cheesy or banal, so please let me know if it does anywhere! =\

Anyway, critique away!
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