The Turkish Community - Common Application

Everyone belongs to many different communities and/or groups defined by (among other things) shared geography, religion, ethnicity, income, cuisine, interest, race, ideology, or intellectual heritage. Choose one of the communities to which you belong, and describe that community and your place within it. (Approximately 250 words)

According to Abraham Maslow there are five basic needs that humans must have to sustain live. Those being physicals things, safety, love and belonging, esteem, and self actualization. In order to reach the highest level of this process which is self actualization all other needs must be met. Self actualization is a person needing to be what they were " born to do". The community you belong to plays a great role in all of these needs. The community that I feel I most strongly belong to is being Turkish. Growing up much of this community was not obvious to me, I called myself an American. My parents always making sure our physical needs were met not once did I feel they weren't. We were always sent to the best schools, my parents always made sure that we would be safe. I felt loved by everyone, my friends, family, and teachers. I was still a young child growing up and learning new things.

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According to Abraham Maslow there are five basic needs that humans must have to sustain live:. Those being physicals things, safety, love and belonging, esteem, and self actualization. In order to reach the highest level of this process,which is self actualization, all other needs must be met. Self actualization is a person needing to be what they were "born to do". The community you belong to plays a great role in all of these needs. The community that I feel I most strongly belong to is being Turkishthe Turkish community . Growing up,much of this communitythis was not obvious to me. I called myself an American. My parents always makingmade sure our physical needs were met, and not once did I feel like they weren't. We were always sent to the best schools, and my parents always made sure that we would be safe. I felt loved by everyone: my friends, family, and teachers. I was still a young child growing up and learning new things. I then reached the point where I was in seventh gradea point in seventh grade when I was happy, but I felt something was missing. I knew I was Turkish, but I could (do you mean to put "not"?) write or read and had difficulties speaking the language. Upon realizing this, I felt out of place. I was a Turk, but besides my last name there was nothing that showed this. That year I taught myself how to read and write, the alphabet being the same it was not that difficult . I began to watch Turkish movies, striving to expand my vocabulary. Something was missing. Finally after four years of not going to Turkey, my parents surprised us with a trip. We packed our bags and flew to our native country. I had butterflies in my stomach the whole way,. A fter a long 10 hour flight we finally arrived. I looked around at all the people and that's when I felt I finally belonged somewhere. All my life it had been as if I had been wanting (missing? This sentence is a little confusing.) this smell, the air, the people. I was a confident being I loved being Turkish. (<- Confusing sentence, are you trying to say you are confident AND love being Turkish, you are confident BECAUSE you are Turkish, or what?) I loved replying to the question, "Where are you from?" Finally, all my needs were met. I long to learn what I was "born to do." but for the moment, I am still young living my life, one step at a time.

Good start, but I feel like you could expand more on how being a member of the Turkish community impacts you. Why exactly do you love answering that question? What needs were met? Give us more detail on belonging to the community and how that affects you rather than leading up to you finding your place in the community.

I would probably move the rearrange your essay. You could move the last sentence "I love replying to the question... to the front. This way you establish what community you belong to from the beginning. Then from there you can maybe cut a few details about your American life, but focus more on what is so enticing about the Turkish lifestyle. The way you had it wasn't bad necessarily, but for the word constraint it would be easier for you to just be more straight-forward with some points.

This sentence has no verb! Connect it to the previous sentence:
...basic needs, those being...

The community that I feel I most strongly belong to is the Turkish community.

It is important to mention Maslow and the hierarchy of needs again at the END of the essay. This will make it complete, because it will have come full circle back to the original theme.

:-)

Is this a bad essay because I do not describe my place in the community ?

Finally, all my needs were met. I long to learn what I was " born to do." I am still young living my life, one step at a time.

That was me relating it again I am longing to reach self actualization.

Also this is too many words please help me shorten it

You know, I did not even notice that you hadn't really talked about your place in the community. Well, just use those keywords somewhere in the essay: "my place in the Turkish community" --- turn that into a sentence. :-)

I guess it will be best if do a better job of describing your place in the community. So... at this point, it is best to paste it into a word document, and hit ENTER a bunch of times to divide the material up into the most important ideas. Add some new discussion of YOUR PLACE WITHIN a particular Turkish community, and then put it all back together. Dismantle the essay, add material, and put it back together.

:-)