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Posts by SupernewtJR
Joined: Oct 13, 2010
Last Post: Oct 14, 2010
Threads: 1
Posts: 5  
From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 6
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SupernewtJR   
Oct 13, 2010
Writing Feedback / "Honor towards One's Mother and Father" - I need help summing up my essay on honor. [8]

My English teacher is a very stong Christian who thinks way outside the box about everything. For this essay, we have to answer a question of our choice from a handout he gave us. The question I chose was "What does 'Honor your mother and father' mean exactly?"

I really need help with a conclusion. I started the conclusion paragraph but need more to add to it.
So far I wrote it like this:

Honor towards One's Mother and Father

"Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother which is the first commandment with a promise, so that it may be well with you, and that you may live long on the earth." ―Ephesians 6:1-3. Honoring your mother and father is expected of all people, young and old alike. Everyone has a mom and a dad, and most parents love their parents unconditionally; so in return kids should show honor towards their parents through love as well. In order to honor your mother and father, one must show respect, obedience, and especially honesty towards them.

Respect is defined as "to show regard or consideration for". In order to respect your mother and father, you need to listen to what they have to say because they contain a lot of wisdom that their children do not. Most kids will get the same question asked every day, "How was school sweetie?" Kids will often get annoyed at this question. But in order to show respect, you need to answer the question thoughtfully and with love, that includes any question asked by your parents. If you want to respect your mother and father, you need to take to heart things that they have shared with you and the guidance they have given you. If your parents buy you something that you did not necessarily want, you should act like you love it and bring happiness to your parents' hearts. Another example of respect is to not backtalk whatsoever to your parents, for that is showing great disrespect.

One should obey their mother and father out of a sense of duty towards God. To God, obedience towards your mother and father is to do whatever they ask of you no matter how stupid. When they ask you to do a simple task such as feeding the animals, you need to do it as soon as possible without argument. Obeying your parents is something you must do because it also shows honor, just like respect and honesty does. You should never avoid a job your mom or dad told you to do because it is not obeying your parents and is also very disrespectful. Also, when one of your parents forbids you to do something, you must listen to it. One must honor their parents' wishes through obedience by doing whatever they say even when they are not around.

Everyone must be honest with their parents no matter how hard it is to be. The Bible and God demand honesty, especially towards your parents. In order to fully honor your parents you must also try to be completely honest with them. White lies are often told and thought of as no big deal, but after a while they will lead to bigger lies that could get people into serious trouble. Being honest with your parents is so important because your mother and father need to become fully involved with your life even if it is hard for you to let them. Your parents want to be a part of your lives, but without honesty they are unable to. Also, in order to be honest with your parents, you must also be honest with oneself.

Honoring your mother and father is one of the most important things in life because it includes, respect, obedience, and honesty. One's parents need to receive great honor from their children because they love them with all of their hearts.
SupernewtJR   
Oct 13, 2010
Writing Feedback / Narrative Essay On A fictional Hero - Feedback on Mechanics. [3]

In the first part, I wouldnt say "special kid" but something more along the lines of "gifted or talented kid".
To open up, I think too many people use "once upon a time" and I think you should use something like "some time ago" or just something different.

Also the sentence "Miracle had then moved in with her ant and was destined to never know who she was until the day came when all was suddenly revealed." There are some mispelling and I would consider rephrasing the second part because it just doesnt seem right.

Another thing is the sentence, "At the funeral as quick as the coffin went down..." I personally think that sounds iffy and should rephrase the part I quoted.

I dont have time to read the third part but you spelled "ant" wrong. It is "aunt" unless you are doing something that I am not understanding here.
SupernewtJR   
Oct 14, 2010
Undergraduate / Success + Bright, Bold and Beautiful - uc admission, personal statement [8]

First off, I would write this part like this...
and asked myself, "Will I be successful?" and then ...they said being able to do what you aim for -no matter how small....in the eyes of others- is success in its essence.

My mom is a teacher....and doing good in school(and then I think should be a period not a comma)

My dad, a lawyer in Kurdistan(and then a second comma), has effected...

During 1996 when we were under...., my parents had no choice but to protect my sisters and me(switched around).

My dad, the famous lawyer(another comma), and my mom(comma), the inspirational teacher(comma), had come to....

My dad, with hope in his eyes(comma), stated(comma), "(CAPATALIZED)Soon enough you....you and your sisters(new sentence after period). You will appreciate life(not live) as you..."

As the years went on,....in the United States(United States is capatalized),(comma)and they both had big hopes that things would(past change) change.

My mom got....teacher,(comma b/c of compound sentence) and my dad....after college.

They would always laugh and say,(comma) "(CAPS)If we did it(no comma) then you can do it,(comma) but even better!"

After this(comma), they expected....and achievement.

So when I think...to give me an(added "an") oppurtunity, I always think to myself, (Quotes)"I am thankful to have people there(not "their") for me who will push me towards success."

I dont have time to read the second one but i hope this helped. And it also means you probably need to overlook the second one as well.
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