Undergraduate / "Swimming lessons" - Activity essay [5]

This activity essay is for the common application form.
Please help me to revise it.
Is it a good theme to write how I teach my mom to swim a good theme to the activity essay?

"You must grab me tightly!" my mother said firmly. As if teaching her to swim was putting her whole life at risk. I showed her the swimming gesture nearly 100 times. Obviously, my mother completely forgot everything I said the second immersed into the water. I repeated showed that how I take my breath at the end of the arm stroke just before the hands exited the water. Mom said to me, smirking, "Baby, you are really good at swimming." As the small water wave hits us, I push the board, giving some momentum and mom, to my surprise, moved forward just in a little irregular pace. Being able to pass my passion for swimming over others is just why I keep teaching others to swim day after day. What I taught is not a formula, is the way how to flow with nature, instead of fighting it.

This is what my essay looks like now.
Swimming is my extracurriculum. I don't want write essay like volunteering in somewhere, so I really want to keep this essay. Pls help me to revise it become more well rounded.

Zhshuang

Undergraduate / "interacting with western teachers" - Chinese and American education system [3]

The theme is to highlight the difference between Chinese and American education system, and I have successfully pass this transition.
Pls help me to revise it, every comment will be appreciated.

"No, no, no. You don't need to stand up!" Phil told me with excitement and watched me with his big eyes behind his glasses. His sharp look seemed to penetrate me and I was more nervous. "Let's try to simplify this question." He raised his left hand and waved it back and forth. That was the first time I tried to answer a question in my economics class.

This incident in Phil's class convinced me that the responsibility for making the transition from the Chinese to the American educational systems lies with me, not my teachers. As a student, I didn't think I needed to change anything. I found I was wrong when I, in 11th grade, met my first western subject teacher-Phil. At first, things didn't go smoothly in his economics class. I, like other students, wanted to maintain the old "Listening habit"-sitting on the chair and writing down each important word the teacher said as quickly as possible. To me, the benefit was obvious. I felt I would not have a good comprehension of the lessons if I did not write down the professor's ideas. In other words, I believed this habit could help me to remember the concepts better.

"Any questions?" This was the most frequent question Phil asked in the class. Personally, I would always avoid eye contact with Phil, since meeting his eyes usually embarrassed me. Instead, I would pretend to search for something in the text book, and I guess most of the other students were doing the same thing. Once in a while, I saw Phil scratching his head and watching us eagerly, hoping someone would break the silence. He would show his desperation by imitating our numb facial expressions.

I remember the time when Phil asked the class what the result of changing the X-axis into capital in the production possibility frontier (PPF diagram) would be. The answer arose in my heart immediately, but I still hesitated. I don't know what were I waiting for. Was I waiting for Phil to ask me to answer the question? Was anyone else willing to stand up? I really didn't know.

"Capital indicates plant and equipment." I answered. "Yeah, I know the definition," Phil responded. "I just want you to tell what that indicates...indicates?" Phil raised his voice and strengthened the last word. "Hum... capital indicates people will need and use these capitals to produce output," I hesitated a moment and said. "Yes, go on, will use these capital, is the demand for..," said Phil. "For future! So you mean the capital indicates the ability to produce in the future, right?" I asked eagerly. "Brilliant!" Phil arched an eyebrow.

As time went by, I had more opportunity to interact with western teachers. Every time we had a lecture in a big hall, it was inevitable to see embarrassing moments like that. Our teachers, both foreign advisor and Chinese tutor, suggested we be more active in class. Fortunately, more and more students became more involved in classroom discussions. I've found that this change had a big impact on my learning style. I feel that taking notes for the entire 40 minutes is silly. Now I know a better way of learning: I am passionate about my lessons and actively exchange ideas with my professors, instead of sitting and thinking quietly. I can learn much better when I'm more involved.

Shuang Zhao