Undergraduate / "be a more well rounded individual" - reasons for transferring, objectives to achieve [4]

Good luck, I'm applying there as well.

This is my opinion:

At times it seems like you're just doing too many adjectives for no reason (first line of second paragraph, last line of first although that is "cute" alliteration). Just be yourself and don't try to force how NYU is so great. There might be some redundancies as well. Last sentence needs to change, "incredible" is probably not the way to end.

I don't really know, but that's what I think.

Undergraduate / "Why I became a volunteer", Sunday School - 150 Word Common APP prompt [8]

Going to my local mosque for Sunday School was probably one of my least favorite things to do when I first started. However, after a while the actions of one of the Brothers that volunteered there really grew on me. It wasn't the...

150 words (just so you guys know).

Thanks for your comments guys, they were valid points. Let me know whether this is any better? I really can't talk about the actual experience unless you want me to go into all the effort put into scrubbing floors or teaching kids from a textbook, so I'm trying to focus on what I learned. If this one above really isn't hitting at the point of the prompt, I think I'm just going to do a different activity easier to talk about (like losing or winning a tennis match or something).

Undergraduate / "Why I became a volunteer", Sunday School - 150 Word Common APP prompt [8]

Alright, well I took your advice and talked more about an experience rather than sort of making volunteering a morality lesson. This feels so much more genuine than the ones before. Tell me what you think, and once again thanks for your opinion :).