Undergraduate / "My Father's Story", UC prompt #1, Rough draft [5]

im no pro but in my opinion try not to talk about your father so much.. it is a personal essay after all. the first paragraph seemed to me like it was asking describe the world your father came from and thats not what the people who read this want.

:)

Undergraduate / "Mongolia, a successful nurse or engineer" - "Realization" (need editing) [8]

try not to talk about your parents sacrifice so much because the essay is about you not them.
also remember that they want to know about who you are or how you became who you are
explain what your opportunities were when you came to america and how you took advantage of them and what you learned from that experience.
im no pro but hope i helped :)

Undergraduate / Personal statements emphasizing my accomplishments, educational and career goals [4]

i dont think you need an apostrophe after which made .
you can make write about your role as a captain and what your role is as well as why you deserve that role. other than that its great :)

Undergraduate / "I'm a fellow procrastinator" - My commonapp essay [5]

i dont understand this sentence and its purpose,"taking time thinking is"
i also dont understand why you tied economics in with procrastination?
nice essay it really got my attention even though procrastination is a risky subject!
Good Luck! :)