Undergraduate / "My experience practicing Tae Kwon Do " - Yale Supplement, 500 word essay [3]

This is my response to the prompt
"You have already told us about yourself in the Common Application, with its list of activities, short answer, and personal essay. In this required second essay, tell us something you would like us to know about oyu that we might not get from the rest of your application - or something oyu would like a chance to say more about." In the Yale Supplement to the Common Application (the limit is 500 words, that's why the conclusion is a bit hasty).

My experience practicing Tae Kwon Do meant much more to me than just effort and hard work, it brought with it important life lessons I feel are not accurately portrayed in the rest of the application. It brought me in close acquaintance with struggle and sacrifice, which I now know are a part of every person's life, and prepared me to endure the challenges I will inevitably have to face.

When I first started in Tae Kwon Do, it was like everything else in my life: safe, cozy, and fun. I had the chance to begin my training with kids my age, a patient teacher, and very manageable demands. But once I decided to start competing, and eventually got called into the provincial team, it all changed in a fortnight. I was confronted by increasingly high expectations and diminished support and understanding. Suddenly, it was not enough to get through the training sessions as "best as I could", now I had to demand more from my body every day to meet a rigorous training program. At first, I felt tempted to retire back into the safety of my previous dojo with its familiar mildness. Yet I kept showing up for practice six times a week, and endured the coaches' harsh reprimands as best as I could. This struggle to meet their expectations was relentless, and seemingly perpetual, offering challenge after challenge, objective after objective in uninterrupted succession.

Despite this, I was never able to attain the results my teammates reaped with seeming facility. My efforts seemed futile, my abilities mediocre and my achievements scanty in comparison with theirs. I earnestly desired to improve, but was unable to adopt the unfaltering commitment I observed in the rest of the team. During training, I could not help but get distracted by trivialities, and I had to go through veritable agony to adopt the martial obedience the coaches tried to imbue in all of the team members. Moreover, I was unable to endure the bruises and pain inherent to contact sports with the stoic calm and unshakable firmness of my teammates. In time, I came to believe I just was not as iron-willed as them, but I could not accept this explanation. Real or not, this idea fueled my ambitions of emulating my teammates' strength of character, and drove me to persevere until I got selected to compete in nationals. Yet, this only brought more insurmountable adversities, as training increased from two to four hours a day, and we were required to live in the gym.

I wish I could say this all resulted in my glorious triumph in nationals, but it did not. I barely won a bronze medal in a weight class with few contestants. All I had to show for my efforts besides that was an injured foot. Still, Tae Kwon Do taught me that sacrifice is necessary for improvement, and that it is not enough to lie low and get through life quietly.

Undergraduate / Find "X", an aspiring math major - extended essay for Chicago's supplement [5]

My main concern is that the essay vague and does not answer the questions. Any suggestions on how to make it clearer? If you find any other issues please edit them too. Thanks for your help

As an aspiring math major I hoped I would be able to find X pretty quickly and get on with my life, but as soon as I delved into the problem I bumped into difficulties. I was forced to admit that in life X is a variable, not a hidden value, and that its equation is as mutable as the people looking for it. For many, X is the unknown, or rather what we want to know, but to me X is the value that is necessary for everything else to make sense, the specific piece of data that completes and unites the given information. X is perfection, balance, and peace all rolled into one. To me, X is happiness

I set out feeling confident and motivated, but once I started looking for X around me, it became apparent that it did not always exist outside of algebra. I thought someone had to have the answer to the question, considering it had been asked repeatedly since ancient times. Also, it seemed logical that people would build a society in which eveyone could find X and be happy, so I simply tried to observe others to see how they had found X. Almost immediately, a cold shiver shot through my spine as I realized that most people around me were caught in a desperate chase of a mystical X that would seemed hopelessly stagnant. I was terrified to see people let their dreams and aspirations be ruled by accepted customs and neglect their friends or duties to follow what others imposed on them as the way to happiness. They criticized everyone including themselves for not being able to find happiness in the narrow frame of socially valued conduct and thought and were unable to realize it was these limitations that were to be rejected, not the people who did not live by them. I shuddered when I saw ads on posters, TV, magazines and newspapers promoting a profusion of illogical, contradictory, and illusory X's. I was disgusted at the countless scammers who promised the key to a delusional paradise I knew didn't exist. They promoted everything from magic shoes to pills and herbs that would not only cure insomnia and obesity, but solve marital problems and raise low self-esteem. It was desolating to see people herded like cattle from one empty promise to the next, unable to break away from the seducing fantasies. Frantically, I distanced myself from their insanity and stood reflecting on my own knowledge of X. However, I found I was no closer to finding it than any of the charlatans in the ads.

I began by asking people I respected and held in high steem what they knew about X, but was stumped by the same answer in different guise. "I am not sure", which to me read "I do not know", seemed to be the full extent of their knowledge. Then I delved into the countless philosophies that claimed to have found the sure path to happiness. However, a life of aesthetic resignation or one of contemplation seemed empty rather than lofty to me, as I am convinced that happiness lies in what one decides to do, not in denying oneself from pleasure. Yet hedonism did not appeal to me either, since I was certain that avoiding pain would lead to passing up on great life experiences and opportunities. So I again despaired when I saw nobody was able to provide me with guidance to happiness.

Just as I began to think X had deserted me I realized maybe I was looking at it the wrong way. Just as some problems in math can only be solved if you organize the facts correctly, maybe there was some other way of finding X, a sublime proof that happiness lay comfortably within our grasp. It was a slim chance, but it was something. With this grain of hope I tried to write down everything I could about X, that cloudy concept everybody was after. That's when it hit me. I did not know what I (or anybody else) was chasing so frantically. I knew it was missing, and that it would be the ultimate convergence of peace, balance, harmony, and satisfaction, but nothing else. X appeared to me covered up in veils, retreating far from reality into fantasy.

Sullen, feeling defeated, I reluctantly rejoined the mass of people helplessly jumping from one delusion to the next, unable to detach myself from them and face the shattering idea that X was nowhere to be found. Yet, the alternative soon became unbearable because once I was able to see the reality of this never ending hunt; the prospect of being caught in it for the rest of my existence seemed worst than the worst abandonment. My mind could just not accept that the equation of happiness could not be solved, that X was a concept outside of reality. This instinct that life could not be devoid of meaning eventually persuaded me that X had to exist. Again, I devoted my undivided attention to shinning light on its nature, and again I stumbled into baffling complexities. The more I searched, the more apparent it became that no combination of power, wealth, intelligence, charm or companionship ensured happiness under every circumstance. I was forced to change my focus and approach X differently.

Maybe, I thought, just maybe, it is not that no circumstances ensure happiness, but rather that every situation (or at least most) has the potential of being a happy one. After all, the humblest people seemed to be the less attracted to finding X, they had little, but seemed to lack nothing. I rewrote my formula, and defined X as the ability to use whatever circumstance I was in to achieve my own personal goals. I saw that the reason no philosophy seemed satisfying was that no one could tell me what I wanted, it was a matter of defining my objectives and working towards them, no matter how small or trivial these were. When I did this, I saw the coefficients for those things I had considered most important to be infinitesimally small, and two values seemed to hold the most weight in the equation. They were freedom and individuality. I realized that X had to equal freedom, as happiness is only found when we are able to hunt it without restrains, and explore it without obligations. Yet, the herds of people who hunted X in ads and products were free to look for happiness, but seemed to never find it. That's where individuality came in. What they failed to realize was that X is not found in any possible commodity or object, but in the decisions each of us makes. X does not equal wealth, sex, or power, it equals acting based on your own goals and aspirations. X is only found when you break away from outside standards of what happiness is, and start doing what is best for you and what you truly desire to do.

Undergraduate / "studying Algebra or Modern Harmony" - Why Duke? Trinity College of Arts Sciences [3]

THe prompt is basically "Why Duke?" and the suggested length is one or two paragraphs, so I am worried it might be too long. I am also concerned that the essay doesnt flow, any advice is greatly appreciated.

When I first looked up Duke, it was eleven thirty and I had been browsing through college websites for two hours. However, Duke immediately stood out as a unique school. A quick look through the website, and I saw Duke researchers were cooling down Fermi gases to study exotic mater, training students in mathematical biology, and using neuroscience to study moral responsibility. I was specifically interested by the latter two because of the interdisciplinary nature of the studies, since giving undergraduate students a chance to be involved in that kind of research gives them the opportunity to expand the socpe of their education. Another aspect of Duke's education that caught my eye was the Link Center, which provides outstanding educational facilities but also shows a commitment to student involvment and imporvement. For exmaple, I thought the "Voice Thread" tool used by Deb Reisinger was a creative and enriching approach to teaching languages.

As a prospective math major, I cannot say I was not moved to apply by the fact that Duke has consistently ranked among the top five schools in the US and Canada in the Putnam Examination. Yet, I soon found out Duke's Mathematics Department has much more to offer than a top-tier competition team. For example, the PRUV Fellow program , which fosters intensive undergraduate research, jumped up to me as an opportunity to prepare for graduate studies and collaborate closely with faculty. This opportunity is all the more valuable at Duke because the Research Triangle provides the ideal environment to experience real-world applications of knowledge gained in class. Further, the possibility of writing a senior thesis would allow me to experience independent work and personal inquiry. As far as my other main interest (music) goes, Duke also boasts very strong program and unique opportunities. For example, traveling to Zhuhuai, China to partner with a middle school to provide arts education would be another way of putting knowledge to work. Also, the offerings in Applied Music would give me a chance to continue struggling with my saxophone while studying Algebra or Modern Harmony.