Woofuls
Nov 18, 2010
Undergraduate / "All jocks are stupid" - Amherst Essay, stereotyped beliefs, psychology [3]
Warning: my understanding of English is fluid instead of mechanical.
"All jocks are stupid" is a common stereotype.
This bugs me because stereotypes are widely held beliefs and redundancy is annoying.(I have to add humor.)
In reality, some jocks are stupid and some aren't.
I would say something like, 'My friend Jack was, at first glance, an obvious exception to this unfair generality. As a highly sought-after football player...
He is a 6'4" African-American lightening-bolt of an athlete and attends a high school where academic achievements are highly touted.
Perhaps say "He is a smart and soft-spoken 6'4"..." Moreover, I would use 'respected' instead of 'highly touted.'
especially from schools who are known more for their success on the football field then for their stellar academic standards.
"especially from schools known more for their success on the field than for their stellar academic standards" Note: Than instead of then...
But if he chooses a school for its football program and not for its strong academic reputation, does this mean that his decision will result in a lifetime void of personal and professional success?
Starting a sentence with "but" once can be tasteful, but this and the next occurrence are two too many.
At the end of jack's journey, will he just be a dumb jock who did not live up to his full intellectual potential?
I'd make sure to capitalize Jack's first name here. Instead of positing he could be a dumb jock, why not say something along the lines of, "will he squander his intellectual potential"?For the end, you can say that he 'now appears to be the dumb jock...'
Warning: my understanding of English is fluid instead of mechanical.
"All jocks are stupid" is a common stereotype.
This bugs me because stereotypes are widely held beliefs and redundancy is annoying.(I have to add humor.)
In reality, some jocks are stupid and some aren't.
I would say something like, 'My friend Jack was, at first glance, an obvious exception to this unfair generality. As a highly sought-after football player...
He is a 6'4" African-American lightening-bolt of an athlete and attends a high school where academic achievements are highly touted.
Perhaps say "He is a smart and soft-spoken 6'4"..." Moreover, I would use 'respected' instead of 'highly touted.'
especially from schools who are known more for their success on the football field then for their stellar academic standards.
"especially from schools known more for their success on the field than for their stellar academic standards" Note: Than instead of then...
But if he chooses a school for its football program and not for its strong academic reputation, does this mean that his decision will result in a lifetime void of personal and professional success?
Starting a sentence with "but" once can be tasteful, but this and the next occurrence are two too many.
At the end of jack's journey, will he just be a dumb jock who did not live up to his full intellectual potential?
I'd make sure to capitalize Jack's first name here. Instead of positing he could be a dumb jock, why not say something along the lines of, "will he squander his intellectual potential"?For the end, you can say that he 'now appears to be the dumb jock...'
