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Posts by sunraerae
Joined: Nov 21, 2010
Last Post: Nov 21, 2010
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From: United States of America

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sunraerae   
Nov 21, 2010
Undergraduate / My Italian Grandmother.... - help on UC Essays [5]

A Person Who Inspires Me
My Grandmother

Here I am, right in the middle of it all. Exchanging warm embraces and inviting smiles, my family is gathered at my Grandparent's house. At this dinner I realize how deeply my grandmother has shaped my life. Her world consists of a well-prepared meal, a gathered family, a dog by her side and a positive outlook on life. Her values are now my values, and because of my grandmother's influence I am readied for college.

My grandmother is the first American-born generation in her family of Italian immigrants. She lived on her parent's prune ranch in Healdsburg, California, raised in a traditional Italian household. In "Little Italia" my grandmother learned that hard work, mixed with respect for family, and topped with a positive outlook would lead to a happy, balanced life. With my brother, Patrick, a UC Davis student, and my parents, I (because you said with your other family members) carry on the traditions of a hard-working Italian ranch family, living in Northern California.

My grandmother has taught me the cooking secrets of Northern Italy's Piedmont region. She orchestrates culinary masterpieces, and her most noteworthy concoction is her homemade ravioli. Grandmother's handmade ravioli are small, tantalizing and satisfying golden pillows. One bite comforts my taste buds in a mouthwatering bliss through the perfect harmony of prime beef, bitter chard, aged parmesan, flavorful garlic, and fragrant rosemary. Her ravioli is blanketed with 'gravy', as they call their pasta sauce, which is not your ordinary gravy but instead an amazing beef, tomato and herb sauce. A plate of ravioli pillows doused with a delightful savory gravy, sprinkled with freshly grated parmesan cheese is my dream dish. Grandmother and I might take a good day's work to create ravioli, with hours to hand knead the dough, roll the sheets and cut the tiny squares. Our hard work and Grandmother's cheerful and loving manner shows in her ravioli, and brings our family [deleted: is] together for another memorable episode around the table.

When I was young, I desperately wanted a dog. To satisfy my need for a puppy, my Grandmother and I became official Canine Companion Puppy Petters. Canine Companion is an agency that trains assistance dogs for disabled people. Together we attended puppy petting training classes, and we would pet and play with puppies for hours on end. An important part of raising service dogs is the need for volunteers to pet the young puppies so they get used to the human touch. I will always be warmed by the memory of petting puppies with my Grandmother, surrounded by a litter of tiny, animated golden balls of energy.

My love for dogs inspired me to volunteer with the Assistance Dog Institute (ADI). Today I am a Puppy Parent for the ADI and for the next eight months I will raise and train a five month old black labrador retriever therapy dog named Becca. My dog accompanies me to high school, to my varsity volleyball games and practices, and on my social outings. As a Puppy Parent, Becca and I recently travelled to UC Davis' Fluffie Day to comfort stressed college students during exam week. [(Maybe add something like) "My Grandmother fostered my desire to comfort people with dogs in the way she does with food." (something like that to connect it back to your grandmother)]

Recently my family traveled to Italy, where we fulfilled my grandmother's dream that we connect with our Italian relatives, the Lazzaronis. I have inherited her desire to see and experience the world, and I look forward to returning to my favorite city, Venizia. Recently I was granted an Italian passport, and now I hold dual citizenship in Italy and the United States. With my grandmother's positive influences, I am well prepared to move onto my college years and fulfill my dreams. This last sentence is not connected to its paragraph

My dream is to attend a University of California campus, study Business and the Italian language, and spend a semester studying in Italy. After graduation I would love to travel to Italy often, possibly play professional volleyball in Italy, and one day work at an Italian car company. I aspire to earn a degree in Business Finance and Marketing so that I may work at FIAT, the Italian-headquartered car company located in Turin where my Italian cousin Silvia Lazzaroni works as a project manager.

I am inspired by my grandmother and my family to live in Italy and to follow my dreams. I value hard work, the respect of family, the companionship of dogs, the benefits of a positive outlook and a curiosity for global exploration. Those core values are important components to support my aspiration to earn a degree in Business and live overseas. I have a solid foundation to support my studies and I look forward to exploring my future possibilities at a University of California college campus.

Your essay is really, really good. Well done. I would be very proud of myself if I were you. Personally, I'm struggling to write this essay (I'm a senior in HS) and you hit the nail on the head. I wouldn't change much else. It lets the reader get to know you, and it lets you brag about yourself by talking about all the amazing traits you've inherited from your Grandmother. Well done!
sunraerae   
Nov 21, 2010
Undergraduate / UC Prompt #2: Beaten Down the Mountain (the world you come from) [3]

Feel free to edit it however you please; it's still in the early stages of editing and I appreciate whatever help you can provide! Thanks.

Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

I let out a surprised yell. This hill was only getting steeper, the turns sharper, the jumps bigger. There was nothing to do but get to the bottom; mountain biking isn't a sport where you can sit on the bench when you get tired or hurt. Down the hill my yell was echoed by a whoop of exhilaration. Great. My eleven-year-old stepbrother was beating me down. Again.

...

After revision:

I yelped in surprise; the hill kept getting steeper, the turns sharper, and the jumps bigger. There was nothing to do but get to the bottom; mountain biking isn't a sport where you can sit on the bench when you get tired or hurt. Down the hill my yell was echoed by a whoop of exhilaration. Great. My eleven-year-old stepbrother was beating me. Again.

I come from a family of athletes, my dad especially. He was an avid dirtbiker until he broke his leg (for the third time), and his osteoporosis did not encourage him to go out and break it again. He turned to mountain biking, and has ignited a passion for off road cycling in my siblings and I. To put it in perspective: our family of five owns sixteen bikes, and we would own more if my stepmom allowed it.

My stepbrother, Jack, has always tried to please and impress my family. Quickly he displayed a natural ability for mountain biking, and these days even my second place varsity title does not enable me to keep up with him down steep hills, nor the fact that he's six years my junior.

Jack's ability on the trail often makes us overestimate his maturity, so when he makes naive comments, asks questions endlessly, or tries to show off, my family quickly silences him. Recently, I realized this tendency in all of us, myself included. His extraordinary athleticism is not grounds for unattainable expectations. His abilities are worth bragging about, and his motivation is clear -- he seeks to impress us into accepting him into our hearts. He calls me his sister, forgoing the "step" and thus the fact that only marriage binds us.

I used to consider myself one of the most nonjudgmental, loving people I know. The impatient, dismissive remarks that my stepbrother endures from me do not fit with the person I seek to grow into. I strive to listen to him and accept the fact that he is still a child. I have begun tutoring him, adopting the nurturing role that I feel a sister should, and the role I take with my biological brother. I want to be more like Jack, fearless, kindhearted, and loyal.

Though my stepbrother looks up to me, he is the true role model. It is not only on the trails that I strive to catch up with him; his unabashed curiosity, determination to excel, and love for our mixed family are traits I aspire to embody. He has taught me I am not as perfect as I would have myself believe, and my drive for self improvement has affected me in my family environment, in school, and on the trails.
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