Unanswered [2] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by cornflakes13
Joined: Nov 23, 2010
Last Post: Dec 9, 2010
Threads: 2
Posts: 5  

Displayed posts: 7
sort: Oldest first   Latest first  | 
cornflakes13   
Nov 23, 2010
Undergraduate / "Having a parent develop a mental illness" - personal application, UW-Seattle [6]

I finished a draft of my application essay for the University of Washington, and would appreciate any feedback. My essay fits fairly well with either A or B, i'm leaning towards B though.

Directions:
The personal statement is our best means of getting to know you and your best means of creating a context for your academic performance. When you write your personal statement, tell us about those aspects of your life that are not apparent from your academic record. Tell us about the experiences that don't show up on your transcript:

A character defining moment, the cultural awareness you've developed, a challenge faced, a personal hardship or barrier overcome.
Choose either A or B. Recommended length: 500-650 words
A) discuss how your family's experience or cultural history enriched you or presented you with opportunities or challenges in pursuing your educational goals.

OR

B) Tell us a story from your life, describing an experience that either demonstrates your character or helped to shape it.

Imagine walking into your house after a long day of school and football practice, and having your dad enthusiastically show you pieces of garbage he found while walking the dogs. Strange, yes, but for the most part, harmless. A few days later you arrive home and encounter your visibly upset little sister. Instead of driving her to gymnastics practice, your dad drove around aimlessly for an hour, following "the signs" so he could pass "the test." Scenes like these became commonplace throughout my sophomore year of high school, degenerating into more and more bizarre and damaging incidents as time progressed. Having a parent develop a mental illness was an extremely taxing event that challenged me and my family, and caused me to develop and mature as a person.

In a sense, knowing just how much something means to you never occurs until you lose it. In my case it was a cohesive family, something I had begun to take for granted. Watching my dad's mental health take a nosedive, and seeing how it affected my mother and sister, made me shockingly aware of what I no longer had. My sister took things especially hard, as she was too young to truly understand what was happening. Trying to provide some sense of stability for my family during this time led me to eliminate sports from my schedule. With all the chaos around the house, there was no guarantee that important things would be taken care of. Without the extra time a commitment to sports requires, I was able to make sure that vital issues at home were attended to. Ferrying my sister back and forth to her numerous activities, and making sure my father didn't get into an excessive amount of trouble absorbed much of my time. With all of the time I now devoted to household and family issues, keeping up with my schoolwork became strenuous. This instilled a massive amount of respect in me, for how hard my parents had to work to take care of us. Losing our family stability showed me how much my family means to me, in addition to all the things they do for me, and helped to ensure that I won't forget it again.

As I previously pointed out, this whole ordeal was rough on my mother and sister, but it was also difficult on me. I could have easily been sad and sulky and felt pity for myself. I could have been generally angry like my sister, but I chose not to. I started to look at the consequences of my actions, and realized that if my attitude started to turn sour, my family would have had even less positivity and stability to hold on to. Keeping a positive attitude was difficult, especially when the people around me were angry. However, it was worth it since it relieved a bit of the stress from the rest of my family. The extra responsibility I took on made me conscious of how large of an effect my actions can have in regards to helping others. Seeing how simply keeping a positive attitude can improve other lives has led me to be a more optimistic person.

After a long period of dealing with my fathers problem, he finally got some help and things returned to normal. While I wish he had never gotten ill, I can still see a few positives, and managed to grow as a person. It truly opened my eyes as to how much my family does for me, and made me much more conscious of the effects of my actions. This was an extremely turbulent and challenging time period of my life, but if I can make it through the year with all of those extra responsibilities, and still manage to take care of my own needs, I can persevere through anything.
cornflakes13   
Nov 28, 2010
Undergraduate / Three Jobs and a single parent-UC college essay! [8]

I think you did a great job of talking about the struggles you faced and describing how they affected your academics. One thing I feel you could do to improve the paper is to talk a little bit more about how you've grown and can handle more now than you used to be able to, which would fit pretty well in your conclusion
cornflakes13   
Nov 28, 2010
Undergraduate / "Cultural Diversity; relocating from Everett to Seattle" - UW admissions essay [2]

Write a short essay on one of the following topics, recommended length: 250-500 words.
1.The University of Washington seeks to create a community of students richly diverse in cultural backgrounds, experiences, and viewpoints. How Would you contribute to this community?

2.Describe an experience of cultural difference or insensitivity you have had or observed. What did you learn from it?

Any feedback would be appreciated :)

Trying to explain the differences in culture and race to a small child can be a difficult thing to accomplish. Growing up around different ethnicities and customs made me think that diversity was prevalent everywhere. My thoughts were disproven however, as my family moved from Everett to [town] . Leaving behind the variety in society that I had grown accustomed to has left me eager to rejoin a more culturally diverse area.

After relocating to [town], I started to ponder and think about culture, as this new town was completely different from what I was familiarized with. Growing up with a stepfather from the Dominican Republic, and especially being around his parents who had lived there, made me much more accepting of new cultures. This was apparently not the sentiment of the people in [town], since not long after we moved in there was a cross burning on a yard. Of course this happened to one of the few black families that reside in [town]. Seeing such a racist and insensitive event made me acutely aware of the fact that not everyone is open minded enough to accept superficial differences. Going from my old school to the new school was also a strange experience for me, as every single person in my class was white. Compare this to my previous class which was filled with a variety of races from Russian and Asian students to Hispanic and African American students, and you might understand why I thought my new school was odd. Though moving to [town] introduced me to a new culture in a way, I prefer the diversity I grew up with by a long shot.

Had someone tried to explain cultural diversity to me before I moved, I would have been left confused. Leaving behind all the different mixtures of races and customs, with the exception of my family, was what it took to show me how much I enjoyed being around all the various cultures. Being stuck in a town with a scarcity of diversity has left me eager to return to a culturally varied area, for which Seattle will be perfect.
Need Writing or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳

Academic AI Writer:
Custom AI Writer ◳