458i
Nov 29, 2010
Undergraduate / "Wonderful professors; engineering college" - (OSU) Admissions Essay [2]
Growing up, being a Buckeye fan was of second nature to me and was one of our "house-hold religions."
I think it'd be better to re-word this sentence. My version:
In addition to being a Buckeye fan, my academic interest can be found at Ohio State University.
Instead of Going through the labs, the atmosphere of the college hit me. During the tour of the labs, the student who was guiding us introduced our group to a graduate student who was using the facilities to do research for his master's thesis., you should put During the tour of the labs, the student who was guiding us introduced our group to a graduate student who was using the facilities to do research for his master's thesis. Going through the labs, the atmosphere of the college hit me.
I realized that these were not just some petty high school labs, but labs where people did research that could affect numerous amounts of people.
I would really recommend you actually write out Ohio State University instead of just "OSU." The thing that caught my attention the most was the overall view of the community of OSU. It grew. ----> The thing that caught my attention the most was how Ohio State University's community grew.
Meeting these people, listening to their college experiences, I got the feeling that this was the right place to be, right on the banks of the Olentangy River. Stick to first person.
Hope that helped!
Growing up, being a Buckeye fan was of second nature to me and was one of our "house-hold religions."
I think it'd be better to re-word this sentence. My version:
In addition to being a Buckeye fan, my academic interest can be found at Ohio State University.
Instead of Going through the labs, the atmosphere of the college hit me. During the tour of the labs, the student who was guiding us introduced our group to a graduate student who was using the facilities to do research for his master's thesis., you should put During the tour of the labs, the student who was guiding us introduced our group to a graduate student who was using the facilities to do research for his master's thesis. Going through the labs, the atmosphere of the college hit me.
I realized that these were not just some petty high school labs, but labs where people did research that could affect numerous amounts of people.
I would really recommend you actually write out Ohio State University instead of just "OSU." The thing that caught my attention the most was the overall view of the community of OSU. It grew. ----> The thing that caught my attention the most was how Ohio State University's community grew.
Meeting these people, listening to their college experiences, I got the feeling that this was the right place to be, right on the banks of the Olentangy River. Stick to first person.
Hope that helped!