Posts by smiley34

smiley34

Dec 11, 2010

Undergraduate / UC Essay -- I am a runner, track and cross-country [4]

Running is definitely a great topic and I liked how utilized here in this essay. You've explained yourself well but i do agree that ending a tad cheesy. Try to take in your running experience as a whole and conclude it at the end. That's just my opinion. Overall, really good essay.

Check out mine :)

smiley34

Dec 12, 2010

Undergraduate / "school pride that I had back at home" - Why Columbia [4]

When our taxi dropped us off in Morningside Heights and we walked onto the Columbia campus, I was amazed- I tripped on the steps of Low Memorial Library because I was too busy looking around. [This jumps and doesn't for well. Put something here that transitions between these sentences.] Then, as we listened to an admissions counselor, one thing interested me in particular: the core curriculum.

Going to a small, Catholic, girl's school for the past six years, I am able to talk to my friends of every grade level- rant or obsess over books we read, topics we discuss in religion class, and the like.

A lot of punctuation here, commas specifically. Split them into separate sentences.

in short, there is no place I'd rather be.

I think it's rather cheesy? That's just my opinion, of course but maybe just eliminate it. Think about it. Or put something else that says something about you.

Good start, just needs revising.