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UC Essay -- I am a runner, track and cross-country


JJlu 5 / 9  
Nov 27, 2010   #1
Prompt: Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud, and how does it relate to the person you are?

Any improvement comments are appreciated.


I am a runner. I wasn't born a runner, but after four years in track and cross-country, I've become one. I wake up early morning to run about seven to eight miles. With the exception of summer, it's still dark outside at 5:00, and possibly even cold. It usually takes a great effort to get out from the comfort of my bed and go running, particularly in the oncoming of winter. Even in the cool summers, the thought of remaining in bed is much more alluring than that of running. But I abandon my blankets for my Brooks trainers anyways.

There is something invigorating about running an hour every day. After each run, I feel empowered with an ability to accomplish anything. Perhaps it has something to do with the rush of endorphins afterwards, but I mostly attribute it to the fact that I run. <Transition needed> Distance running is a difficult activity, not only because it's difficult to get up in the mornings and start running, but also because it's difficult to continue. Each step comes with strain in the legs, torso and chest, and even with pain, thus each step is also a tempting point for the runner to stop.

But my years of running with the track and cross country teams have taught me not to stop. I've learned to fight the strain, pain and other discomforts I encounter when I run. I see that the long-term gain of running the entire route is greater than the temptation of stopping-I simply have to just keep on running.

The International Baccalaureate (IB) program is perhaps the longest distance run I've ever had. The workload in IB is heavy, particularly Senior year-the Extended Essay, internal assessments, CAS, Theory of Knowledge, and the sudden bloom of various projects. I also partake in extracurricular activities, such as March of Dimes, National Honor Society, Special Olympics, and of course track and cross-country. There are so many different things that demand my time. Over the course of four years, my sleep has gradually been reduced to about five hours a night, which occasionally leads to episodes of sleep-deprived stupor during the day-comparable to the feelings of complete exhaustion in the middle of a long run. On the most difficult days, I've toyed with the idea of quitting IB to help ease my workload, but I refused to accept that as an option. I am absolutely determined to complete the IB program, and I know I can.

I am a runner. I don't want to stop running because I want to reach my full potential. I know that resisting the urge to stop will not only help me go beyond my limits and allow me to accomplish more, but also develop the can-do attitude that I can apply to other aspects of my life. With this mindset, as well as a runner's determination, self-discipline and perseverance, I believe that I can accomplish anything I put my mind to. I run, therefore, I can.

HarvestBristle 6 / 11  
Nov 27, 2010   #2
With the exception of summer, it's still dark outside at 5:00, and possibly even cold.
I would recommend eliminating this sentence. It's a bit awkward

I think you should elaborate on your experience running, rather than mention your experience with IB.

Goodluck!!!
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EF_Kevin 8 / 13,339 129  
Dec 11, 2010   #3
I wake up early morning to run about seven to eight miles. With the exception of summer During most seasons, it's still dark outside at 5:00, and possibly even cold.

After each run, I feel empowered with an ability to accomplish anything. ----great description here.

Perhaps it has something to do with the rush of endorphins afterwards, but I mostly attribute it to the fact that I run. <Transition needed> Distance running is a difficult activity, not only because it's difficult to get up in the mornings and start running, but also because it's difficult to continue. Each step comes with strain in the legs, torso and chest, and even with pain, thus each step is also a tempting point for the runner to stop.----here, I took care of the transition by chopping that sentence right out. Now it needs no transition. Instead, add another sentence at the end of the paragraph to complete the point about how it makes you feel able to do anything.

I like the theme in this essay! Running really does prove something excellent about you, because everyone knows running is powerful meditation.

Use a comma for the compound sentence: I don't want to stop running, because I want to reach my full potential.

I run, therefore, I can.---This ending is a little cheesy. I think it would be more useful to conclude by speculating about what your experience as a runner will do to contribute to your work in a professional field that interests you. Conclude with a look to the future.

:-)
smiley34 - / 2  
Dec 11, 2010   #4
Running is definitely a great topic and I liked how utilized here in this essay. You've explained yourself well but i do agree that ending a tad cheesy. Try to take in your running experience as a whole and conclude it at the end. That's just my opinion. Overall, really good essay.

Check out mine :)


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