Unanswered [7] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by Sage
Joined: Dec 20, 2010
Last Post: Jan 30, 2011
Threads: 1
Posts: 2  
From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 3
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Sage   
Dec 20, 2010
Undergraduate / "Sam, I am very disappointed in you" [video game essay] [2]

"And...30 percent. Sam, I am very disappointed in you" My math teacher announced my score to the entire class. Every eye in he classroom turned on me. I couldn't believe my ears. I panicked. I checked my answers to see if she'd made a mistake. I checked the name to see if she'd made a bigger mistake. My life was spiraling downwards, and the culprit was evidenced my calloused thumbs: online video games.

The trouble started a year ago, at the beginning of eight grade. I began sneaking out of school, skipping classes, and lying to my mom, just so I could reach the dragon level. Instead of doing homework, I spent all my time looking for exotic weapons for my character to wield. I was addicted, and my grades were paying the price.

However, a titanium coated dagger is not the only self-defense mechanism in my arsenal. I was too frightened to deal with what I had become, so I spent the rest of my time convincing my parents and myself that I was doing badly because I wasn't interested, not because I wasn't trying. Math was the proof. "I study math only!I don't like the rest of my subjects because they are pointless!" The truth is that I could do well in math without studying. Protected with my excuse, I plunged back into my games.

Then the fateful day came: my dreadful 30 percent. One test grade might not seem so significant, but for me it was the final straw. It represented an accumulation of skipped days and missed lessons, and more importantly, the loss of myself. Alone in my room that night, I pulled the two pronged monster out of its electric socket, and left my computer unplugged for six months. My vision blurred from too-many-hours staring at a screen, and the hot tears that were now falling from my eyes, I made a promise that I would regain what I had lost. I realized that I alone could stand up and fix my mistake, and that I could be proud of myself again.

In the next months, I made it my objective to regain what I had lost. I begged my math teachers to tutor me on what I had missed that year, and asked my friends to help me with writing and French. The socket remained empty as my life began to refill.

One year gone by, I woke up to the sound of mail being shoved into a slot. "Results" read a black stamp on the back of the first envelope. Heart pumping, I pulled the folded paper out, and a huge smile crossed my face. It was my score. It was high, and it came with an acceptance letter to one of the top high schools in the country! I had regained my pride, and my sense of self, not because of the letter, but because I knew that I had not lost my life to an obsession.

Because of that experience, I have the strength to pursue a better future. I have no fear of challenged ahead, because I know that when the time comes, I will put my education above video games where it belongs.
Sage   
Dec 20, 2010
Undergraduate / "a place where I can grow" - Boston University, what to accomplish? [8]

This is pretty good, but the reason they ask this question is so that they can find out more about you as a person, so you should talk about the aspects of BU that relate to YOU as a person. A lot of the words are pretty general, so you should try using more specific language.

good luck!
Sage   
Jan 30, 2011
Undergraduate / "Experiences in Economy" Essay [3]

This is really good. I made some grammatical changes like you asked. But. I think it would help if you added in some clear examples in a lot of places, because when you make a claim in an essay, it is always better to prove them. For example, I think it would be interesting if you wrote how specific surroundings influence the customer. If you say this, then it will show that you really do have experience in this field.

Bye,
Sage
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