Posts by bball93

bball93

Dec 27, 2010

Undergraduate / high-level academics, pre-professional training, and Jewish life - Why UPenn? [4]

Prompt - Considering both the specific undergraduate school or program to which you are applying and the broader University of Pennsylvania community, what academic, research, and/or extracurricular paths do you see yourself exploring at Penn?

Some info - It says it should be approximately 500 words. I have here 348. Just wanted to here what you guys have to say and if theres any corrections please let me know. Also should I add another factor/reason to make it closer to the 500 words or keep it as is? I'm applying to Wharton.

Essay - As a high school freshman I was deeply interested in mathematics. A close family friend, who's also a Penn alum, recommended I look into the statistics department when I applied for college.

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bball93

Dec 28, 2010

Undergraduate / high-level academics, pre-professional training, and Jewish life - Why UPenn? [4]

Thanks for the corrections. I fixed it up a bit and added a specific class/professor. Still below 400 words. Any more criticism? Be harsh please.

As a high school freshman I was deeply interested in mathematics. A close family friend, who is also a Penn alum, recommended I look into the statistics department when I applied for college. He told me about the profound impact Professor Abba Krieger had on him especially in his major and career choice.

After learning more about Penn and Dr. Krieger, I felt that my passion for using mathematics as a lens to examine the world would be nurtured. Penn seemed an natural fit for me because it is the only statistics department in the country that housed itself inside a real world focused and top notch business school.

During my high school career I studied calculus AB and BC. Every time I learned a new theorem, I needed to find out its application in the real world. That is why I gravitated towards the field of statistics. I'm excited to major in statistics because the challenge of taking large amounts of data and extracting the hidden gems of information buried within, appeals to my passion of solving puzzles.

The ability to take data and interpret it in order to make informed decisions is a very valuable tool that is needed in all areas of business and management. Penn will allow me to apply my math skills in this field.

I plan on pursuing a career of applying my mathematic talents to the management world and the new era of data based decisions. Penn is the perfect place to study because it fuses statistics and business minds in the same silo.

Another aspect of Penn is the large and vibrant Jewish life present on campus. Penn has one of the largest Jewish populations of any college. As an orthodox Jew, Penn would give me the opportunity to live away from home and still keep my Jewish identity. This was one criterion that is important for me when choosing a college. Penn truly seems to have it all.

I would like to attend Penn because it encompasses the perfect blend of high-level academics, pre-professional training, and Jewish life. It has exactly what I am looking for in a college. To be a student at Penn would give me the tools to succeed and excel in the field of statistics.

bball93

Dec 28, 2010

Undergraduate / "The Butterfly Effect" - Common App - Personal Statement [4]

This is a very well written essay. The first paragraph is so descriptive I could easily imagine being in your shoes. The only thing I would critique is that it seems like you now think for a few minutes every time you make a small decision like what to eat for breakfast. But thats really if I'm looking for something to change. Overall great essay.

bball93

Jan 15, 2011

Undergraduate / "until an upperclassmen..." - Tulane Optional [3]

In your first sentence you wrote "I had I ever" you should take out the second "I". But it seems like that sentence doesn't fit that well. Maybe try re-writing the first sentence.

Then you go on to say how you were always interested in Tulane. Its a little confusing maybe write something like "After that conversation I had, I was obsessed with Tulane" or something along those lines.

And just like braiden992 said you should include something personal.

bball93

Jan 15, 2011

Undergraduate / I want to be raised by Dinosaurs-Brandeis essay-Feedback [3]

Prompt- If you could choose to be raised by robots, dinosaurs, or aliens, who would you pick? Why?
250 word limit I have used up 241. Any feedback is appreciated. Its due tonight (sorry for the short amount of time).

Dinosaurs are a diverse group of animals that were the dominant terrestrial vertebrates for over 160 million years, from the late Triassic period until the end of the Cretaceous. Though not used colloquially in this sense a "dinosaur" may also refer to a person who holds ancient or world values.

This is the definition of dinosaur that I identify with. I am rooted in ancient values such as keeping my religion, Judaism, very dear to me. Following the old ways of my Syrian grandparent is something my entire family continues to do. Such as the respect we have for our elders and the responsibility placed on us from a young age. In this sense I would like to be raised by a dinosaur.

However, the question still remains as to why I chose to be raised by dinosaurs as opposed to aliens or robots. Since I altered the definition of a dinosaur its only fair I do the same for aliens and robots. Aliens can also be used to refer to immigrants, and though exposure to multiple ethnicities can be an advantage in several ways, living under people from another country might mitigate the strong nationalism that I feel for the USA. Furthermore being raised by robots, people who are systematic, calculating, and devoid of emotion, would not provide the love and care that a family provides. Consequently, I feel that being raised under dinosaurs would be the best for me.