Undergraduate / "War Against English" - Amherst Supplement, difficulty and achievement [5]

The total words exceeded the word limit for Amherst. I ended up with more than 500 words. I cut out an entire paragraph but my essay (402 words) is still above word limit, which is 300 words. Any suggestion? Would you please look over my grammar? Thanks!

"Difficulty need not foreshadow despair or defeat. Rather achievement can be all the more satisfying because of obstacles surmounted."

As a student whose native tongue is Korean, I am in constant warfare against the English language; everyday, I struggle to improve my reading and writing skill. Because of these weak skills and recommendations from my friends, I decided to take the AP Language and Composition course in hopes of improving. At first, I was hesitant about this class because I knew I wouldn't do well. I did not want to fail, but I signed up for the class anyway.

We had our first essay test the first week of school. In my overconfidence, I thought I had written my essay adequately, maybe a low C. I was angry with myself when I received my grade. I failed my very first test with a 68, followed by two more failed essays. I was really discouraged and even considered dropping the class for an easier one. I thought I had hit the wall of failure.

I told my friends who had already taken the class the previous year that I was giving up. They gave me stern looks and reprimanded me because those failed essays were not truly "failures" but an indication to work harder. My friends suggested that an hour of tutoring with my teacher would be the most effective way to improve my writing. I heeded their advice; I went to those tutorials and continued to practice timed essays. Surprisingly, I made my first passing score on my fourth essay test. The moment I saw the score, I almost jumped out of my seat to perform a jig. I had passed the giant hurdle! Near the end of the third quarter, my eyes almost bulged out of their sockets in shock when I saw an 80 on my research essay. For the first time in my junior year, I was very proud of my accomplishment. It showed me that I was progressing as a writer and eased some of the nagging doubts about myself. At the end of the final quarter, I achieved my goal of making a 90 on my essay; once again, I was proud of myself for accomplishing this goal.

Yes, I did "fail" my first three essays, but this "failure" led me to work harder than I had before. This hard work has benefited my future as a better writer and inspired me to work harder to achieve my goal. My failure turned into an evident achievement.

Undergraduate / "Looking Through the Window, it is already dark" - Williams College Supplement [4]

Here's the prompt: Imagine looking through a window at any environment that is particularly significant to you. Reflect on the scene, paying close attention to the relation between what you are seeing and why it is meaningful to you. Please limit your statement to 300 words.

The alarm clock blares in my hitherto silent room. I smash the snooze button, eager to crawl back into the blanket. I mumble an apology to my roommates and close my eyes again, only to snap them open when I realize that it's past 10 o'clock and I am to meet my best friend at Schow Science library in thirty minutes. I jump out of the bed and wash and dress. I exit the Sage with a Pop-Tart in my mouth.

As I run toward Schow Science Library, I consider my choices of classes for the next semester. Should I take Immunology class? I wonder as I chew on the pastry. I make a mental note to give Professor Snow a visit. I choke on my food when an arm slings around my neck. I turn to find my best friend. We share the same burning passion, the study of biology, and we are striving toward researching a prevention for heart related diseases.

She scolds me for eating a pastry again. It is bad for your heart, she says, reminding me yet again that since I'm researching to prevent heart diseases, I must watch what I'm eating too. She drags me to Schow to continue our research on prevention of major arteries. We soon find ourselves debating the best way to develop our own nanotechnology to prevent heart diseases. After countless hours spent researching nanotechnology in Schow, we devise an elaborate experiment to develop nanobot that floats inside the arteries and disintegrates any artery blockage.

We finish the research paper before the library closes and give each other a high five. I gaze out of the window, finding that it is already dark. Under the street light, I see the first snow of the year.

Shivering, I turn toward my friend. "Let's go. I'm ready to crawl back to bed."