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"Looking Through the Window, it is already dark" - Williams College Supplement

Nightwing 2 / 4  
Dec 28, 2010   #1
Here's the prompt: Imagine looking through a window at any environment that is particularly significant to you. Reflect on the scene, paying close attention to the relation between what you are seeing and why it is meaningful to you. Please limit your statement to 300 words.

The alarm clock blares in my hitherto silent room. I smash the snooze button, eager to crawl back into the blanket. I mumble an apology to my roommates and close my eyes again, only to snap them open when I realize that it's past 10 o'clock and I am to meet my best friend at Schow Science library in thirty minutes. I jump out of the bed and wash and dress. I exit the Sage with a Pop-Tart in my mouth.

As I run toward Schow Science Library, I consider my choices of classes for the next semester. Should I take Immunology class? I wonder as I chew on the pastry. I make a mental note to give Professor Snow a visit. I choke on my food when an arm slings around my neck. I turn to find my best friend. We share the same burning passion, the study of biology, and we are striving toward researching a prevention for heart related diseases.

She scolds me for eating a pastry again. It is bad for your heart, she says, reminding me yet again that since I'm researching to prevent heart diseases, I must watch what I'm eating too. She drags me to Schow to continue our research on prevention of major arteries. We soon find ourselves debating the best way to develop our own nanotechnology to prevent heart diseases. After countless hours spent researching nanotechnology in Schow, we devise an elaborate experiment to develop nanobot that floats inside the arteries and disintegrates any artery blockage.

We finish the research paper before the library closes and give each other a high five. I gaze out of the window, finding that it is already dark. Under the street light, I see the first snow of the year.

Shivering, I turn toward my friend. "Let's go. I'm ready to crawl back to bed."
bananaphone 3 / 6  
Dec 28, 2010   #2
I believe this prompt is asking you to reflect within yourself. Your response should show what you discovered about yourself through your reflections.

However, the response you posted here seems to show a lot more of what you are doing- not of what you are thinking. The closest you get to reflecting on an environment that is significant to you is when you "see the first snow of the year." Instead of putting this towards the end, I would put it at the beginning and work your response around that. Why is the first snow important to you? Does it reflect a new beginning- perhaps the new classes for next semester? Your writing is good but just don't stray off topic.
happygolucky 1 / 10  
Dec 28, 2010   #3
I agree with the previous commentor, I was reading and wondering where the window was..
I think this essay should be more about introspection and analysis of the surrounding outside.
OP Nightwing 2 / 4  
Dec 28, 2010   #4
Thank you very much for your comments. I will rewrite the essay.

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