Undergraduate / "the job at the Kumon Learning Center" - Short-Answer Activity [4]

Hi. I'm new to this forum, but desperately need help. If anyone is willing to edit my Short-Answer for the common app (150 words max) that would be great. This is a rough draft so grammatical mistakes are off the walls. Any feedback (even if it's harsh) is really appreciated. Thanks :)

"What's nine plus seven Amanda?" I asked sitting on a small, wobbly stool. The nervousness in my voice as I asked her that simple question disappeared when she hastily replied, "Sixteen!" Grinning, she knew the answer was correct, but was waiting for a nod of approval. Satisfactorily, I nodded my head and the grin on her face turned into a beautiful smile.

I recall this moment, which occurred about a year ago. It was my second day on the job at the Kumon Learning Center, an academic enrichment program. After working with Amanda for a year, she is now able to tackle long division problems. Throughout this year, I have felt more like a student at Kumon because I have learned the importance of crafty explanations, patience, and hard work. The relationships I have developed with students and their parents have allowed me to realize the importance of giving. After all, education is the greatest gift of all.

Undergraduate / "Moving from a closely-knit neighborhood in India to America" - Common App [4]

Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.

"Please fasten your seatbelts the Captain is preparing for landing," the airhostess announced. As I struggled to fasten my seatbelt, I began thinking about the life I had left behind. What would Tanvi, my best friend, be doing right now? Who would take care of the home where I took my first step, spoke my first word, lived the seven years of my life? As the plane descended, all my queries dissolved except one: What would my new life in America be like? That bright September day in 2000 changed my life forever; it was the day my family and I moved from India to America.

Moving from a closely-knit neighborhood in India to an urban city in America was a huge culture shock. There were no neighborhood parties filled with mouth-watering Indian delicacies; there were no competition days filled with sack races and water-balloon fights. I soon realized that life in America was going to be different and challenging.

My first day at school marked the beginning of my academic struggles that year. As I stepped into the classroom, nervousness overcame me. My eyes were searching for the exit; my feet were shuffling, unwilling to move forward. "Class, this is our new student, Dipna. She has just moved here. I hope you will all help her get settled in our school," Ms Pela, my second grade teacher announced. Silence. There was no response, just eighteen pairs of eyes staring at me. As everyone went back to work, I was given the welcome speech by my teacher and put straight to work. Two + two was a breeze, however my weakness was English. I struggled the entire year and had to attend summer school. I began to work harder, spending my play time to read books and improve my writing skills.

I've hit a roadblock. Still working on HOW it has impacted me as a person. Need help with grammatical errors etc. If you have any suggestions please share them. BE HARSH :)