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Posts by salemu101
Joined: Dec 31, 2010
Last Post: Jan 12, 2011
Threads: 2
Posts: 2  
From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 4
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salemu101   
Dec 31, 2010
Undergraduate / (land of opportunities) + (diversity) + (M.L. King) cut down count for NYU [2]

Please tell us what led you to select both your anticipated academic area(s) of study and the NYU school / college / program or the Abu Dhabi campus. What interests you most about your intended discipline? Mention any extracurricular or non-school-related activities or experiences that demonstrate your interest.

If America is the land of opportunities, NYC is where dreams come true. I have always seen NYC and NYU as a distant dream, something that couldn't happen to an Ethiopian girl who lives in the suburbs of Virginia. And yet, I'm applying to NYU. I'm not sure what I specifically want to study; I can only say that I'm a learner and my excitement to know everything is what is makes me so indecisive. But I believe that if anywhere, the atmosphere of NYU would be the perfect place to cultivate a desirable area to study.

NYU is 'In and of the City' and 'In and of the World.' What does the concept of a global network university mean to you? How do you think studying in New York City, Abu Dhabi, or one of NYU's global sites would change you as a person and equip you to build cross-cultural relationships at NYU and beyond?

For NYU, diversity is demonstrated not only in the people who attend, but the global campuses, the various classes, individualized study. And coming from a high school with racial diversity, I am one who understands this brainchild of diversity because I know that only in NYC will diversity be the most unique because everything starts here. NYU is smack dam in the middle of NYC, the capital of the world. Studying at NYU, I think it will better prepare me for the world out there, and already having known the gift of diversity, I think that I will not take steps but leaps towards building cross-cultural relationships, creating a bridge, interconnecting humanity.

If you had the opportunity to bring any person -- past or present, fictional or nonfictional -- to a place that is special to you (your hometown or country, a favorite location, etc), who would you bring and why? Tell us what you would share with that person.

I would love to bring back Martin Luther King Junior because he was the driving force for why I have an Asian best friend or the fact I have a Indian and White guy friends who are tighter than the spirals on Twizzlers. The fact that I go to school with a happily diverse population speaks volumes about King's work. I would love to bring him back just to show him his work. To be able to say, Hey look at what you did. You see the Spanish and black girls who went to the bathroom, giggling together, that's because of you! I just regret that he died before seeing the impact of his work.
salemu101   
Dec 31, 2010
Undergraduate / "Can Tab Drive" Common app essay [9]

I think you need more of an intro because you kinda just rush into your story with that one long question. And I also think that your second paragraph is very structured; you start off by saying the experience has led to 3 things, and for each one, you give an example of something that they could get off of your resume/activity record/etc. This paragraph has to be the strongest because you are speaking about yourself, how this experience affected YOU. And as others said before, give it more emotion, some figurative language, witty statements, something to keep the reader interested. All together, your essay reads like a news story not a personal essay. And I feel that last 3 sentences are what you should go into more detail about follow that style.

I hope that was kind of helpful and thanks for helping me with my essay. :)
salemu101   
Dec 31, 2010
Undergraduate / "The last incentive I needed"- Stanford Supplemental Essay [14]

i think this is so much better than your first attempt and i know about the word limit but maybe you could add a little more about the computer science program and marching band? It seems like you pulled those two facts and just added it to the essay. But I think the message of the essay is brilliant and i love the conclusion! Great job!
salemu101   
Jan 12, 2011
Undergraduate / "I lead myself" - Richmond- Experience that made you leave your comfort zone [NEW]

Tell us about an experience in which you left your comfort zone. How did this experience change you?

Freshmen year. A full nine months of excitement, bigger lockers, trips to the mall and joining every extracurricular known to mankind, while marveling at every aspect of high school. Junior year is said to be the hardest obstacle undertaken by a teenager; seniors are simply "on top of the world," and love every minute of it. I skipped over sophomore year because most people's minds tend to ignore that year. To most, it's the least exciting year and yet I managed to wrangle an experience that I believe has definitely changed me.

The 2008 class presidential election was decided and I was sworn into office by a single phone call. It was the start of October, around the time that class lip-syncs started for the pep rally; every year, two class officers have to join and I knew that I was not volunteering for this. I am a horrible dancer. No questions, no comments. When I'm dancing in front of my friends and they make fun of me, I tell them I'm not really dancing... I am a horrible dancer.

Two weeks later I found myself at my friend Bree's house, practicing for the lip sync. No other class officer stepped up and as class president; I had to do my duty. Unfortunately.

As we were making dance moves, it was clear I was on a different page than everyone else. I stepped the wrong way, used the wrong hand, didn't put enough emphasis in the steps, didn't execute right, didn't didn't didn't! Why am I wasting my time and effort when I'll just make myself look stupid as well as my class? But there was no one to take my place, so I did the only thing I could do; start using the right foot, the right hand, the right amount emphasis, the right amount of execution. I showed my friend the finalized dance routine and she nodded her approval. I was no Janet Jackson but hey, I got all the moves right.

Minutes before the pep rally was to begin, I had knots in my stomach and all my fears came out, so I quietly had a mental freak out. Once it was out of my system, I was ready, someone opened the doors and we walked into the gym, prepared to dance like there was no tomorrow.

Our group split into two groups and ran to opposite sides of the gym, I heard "...you're all I ever wanted, you're all I ever needed" come from the speakers and we moved in unison; stepping and swaying and in no time it was over. I ran outside the gym, relived it was over but extremely satisfied that I followed through.

It may not seem like a great, life-altering experience and it wasn't but it helped me look at myself and see the depths of what I can do. I was watching Invictus, and the character of Nelson Mandela talked about pushing one's limits and expectations for one's self. I realized that this is what my experience made me do. I realized that it's okay that I don't know how to do everything and that when I don't, I can overcome it. I surprised myself and from that point, there was no turning back; I wake up every day, demanding respect for myself and the only way to do that is surpass what I think I can do. So I take the hardest math class available, I try out for the travel soccer team, I lead the Model UN conference and more importantly, I lead myself.

I am thankful for that experience in my sophomore year of nothingness, thankful that it has bolstered my personality and mentality for the future.
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