Posts by ayra

ayra

Dec 31, 2010

Undergraduate / "Parasailing" - Tufts Optional Essay [2]

The first time I went parasailing, I can admit, I wanted to turn around and head back to the shoreline, where parents were tightly holding onto the kids as the waded in the water. My mom decided to go with me, for moral support .(i think you should simplify these sentences) As the Bahamian man turned the boat's engine on, I thought to myself, "What am I doing? I'm afraid of heights.(you could put a comma instead) I can't do this.(and here an exclamation mark)" Nevertheless (not sure nevertheless is the right word to use in here), the boat sped ahead while I frightfully clutched onto the side of the boat.

When the boat had reached the platform in the middle of the ocean, I grew excited that I had at least reached a checkpoint in the road to parasailing. However, this excitement did not last long. When my pruned toe touched the surface of the sandy platform, the head absorbed all of my confidence. A couple that had been strapped in flew past us as we waited upon the platform.

Another couple before us gave me some reassurance, saying that to ensure a great "flight", we should bend our knees. When it was our time to get strapped in, I jumped around in nervousness and because my feet had dried and the heat was once again attacking my feet (not clear, restructure it). The Bahamian gave a thumbs up and the chords attached to us yanked us. My dad and I ran towards the edge of the platform, prepared to jump into open water. However, when we did, it turned out that we ended up in the air and not the water. My flight was smooth. I saw the coral happily resting at the seafloor and a palette of different shades of blue below me. My dad's flight wasn't as smooth, has he didn't not bend his knees and ended up dangling throughout the entire life.

This once-in-a-lifetime experience truly gave me something to be proud ~~about~~ (-> of). I realized that nothing is impossible as long as you jump for the skies and overcome your fears. Although my confident (confidence) dissipated at the beginning, things became smooth sailing after I let go of the fear that things would not turn out alright.

Nice essay, i just feel that you wrote too much in detail . your last paragraph is the most interesting one, so try n flip your essay! captivate the reader at first. and be clearer in the body, i didn't get some of what you were trying to say.

ps: please help me in my essay in return, i have to send it in an hour.

ayra

Dec 31, 2010

Undergraduate / Leadership role @ university (how I intend to be a leader) [2]

Hello, the essay is asking me about how i intend to be a leader as a student and as an alumnus in the university. I have to send this essay in two hours and i am still not sure it is good. can someone please help me, any last time changes should i make, improvements.. do you have an advice for me please say what your honest opinion about my essay is and i promise to help you out with yours (post a link to your essay along with your comment about mine).

LEADERSHIP ROLE AT AN UNIVERSITY

Leadership. Google Dictionary defines it as "the action of leading a group of people or an organization." Thesaurus.com listed related concepts and synonyms of it, such as administration, control, and authority. Chester Barnard defined it as "the ability of a superior to influence the behavior of a subordinate or group and persuade them to follow a particular course of action". However, most importantly to me, leadership represents what we learn from the actions we accomplish that aim at making the world a better place, instead of just focusing on leadership for sought positions or other leading purposes.

The concept of leadership is not new to me. I first got a sense of leadership while peer and group editing essays within French class in my freshman year. This experience spoke to the possibilities that result from teamwork. Moreover, it made me realize that I have what it takes to be a leader. The way I best see myself playing a leadership role at the university either as a student or as an alumnus is to be model student. Exemplary morals will I stick to, perfect grades will I seek, a high self-esteem and self-confidence will I thrive for, and ameliorations around me will I try to achieve through volunteerism. Leadership has its requirements, and I believe good communication is one of them. The way I perceive it, communication is an almighty opening door to tolerance, to open-mindedness, and to a better understanding of our surroundings and the happenings in our lives. I intend to enhance communications between the university's members through a suggested "communication skills improvement" club and projected researches in this area.

Involving people and oneself to actions needs knowledge and skill, implacability, and determination. But leadership is a give and take process. As much as I believe in myself, I also expect university to sharpen my abilities. In fact, I have grown aware of my capacity to understand and get along with people, dedicate my time to teaching and raising awareness, but mostly, and more importantly, to an ongoing learning. In spite of that, although I have some skills, I have a long way to go. And I know that the Boy leader that I am can't wait to become a man leader and to make a greater impact.