Writing Feedback / Rock involves sex sense,drug abuse,strong language;there are many types of music [2]

I t is generally believed that the music is voice of heart and a musician capable of conquering the mind and heart of people and nations by his /DON'T PUT A "/" WHEN YOU ARE WRITING AN ADMISSIONS ESSAY her music.Capitalize "M" music is commonly used to celebrationeand ceremonyies .beyond that every country<--What? has a e special music named "national anthem" whose symbol of nation.Here, reword as, "Every country has their own national anthem, which represents the pride and strength of the country" and then elaborate all in all the fact of matter is that,we have two kind of music ,classic and modern.this is generally categorization and classification which is commonly used to in the field.Unnecessary information master piece of Beethoven and Bach is most famous instance of classic music ,also master piece of Elton John is example of modern music .in the modern music you can find many genre of music like Pop,Rock,jazz and so on.no wonder that many genre of music available,this is because many mood available in every nation.one must have been chosen his/her music according to his/her mood.

music has both effect,positive and negative on society ,family ,adult .adult-sense ,teenagers ,children and even structure of molecular .lets consider the matter of the Rock music ,for instance ,usually Rock music involves:sex sense,drug abuse ,strong language that made a background and basis for social problems like addiction ,sex abuse and so on . -- You need to do more research than that, because it doesn't seem accurate other factors to be particularly concerned about are effect of music on children and teenagers.teenager about to getting down in social problems and we must have been award about the results of bad music .obviously music has good and positive effects.for instance Beethoven's music capable modified the structure of molecular so called "Beethoven 's effect ".generally believes that it's good music.other example are available,Linkin Park ,a Rock music band ,who encouraged teenager to exercise ,continue education for new invention for all people in the world,and in my view a great idea so called peace for all people.

however, it's worth remembering that music is on part of our life and negative effect of music is unavoidable and parental control on teenager,listening music, play a great role in music.

all in all enjoy yourself by music!

-Tons of grammatical errors, run on sentences, incomplete sentences, etc.
-You really need to work on researching the information that you've provided on Linkin Park and rock music. The information just doesn't seem accurate and it seems more opinion based.

-There's a lot of irrelevant information that needs to be taken out.
-You need to work on organizing your ideas into paragraphs.
-When you make a point, elaborate on it.

To be honest, you need a lot of work on your essay. You need to get someone (someone who is strong in English) and have them help you on the essay. You should also consider asking them for help on basic sentence structures and essay writing.

Good luck

Writing Feedback / The causes of IMMIGRATION: social reasons, politic reasons and economic reasons. [4]

What's your prompt first of all? I can't really give a proper evaluation if you didn't provide the prompt.

Anyways...

-You need to work on sentence structuring. For example, when you wrote,

"The immigration, as a decision maked by a person is an act that occurs, because of some factors especially in the under developed countries and the most importants causes or reasons are mainly social reasons, politic reasons and economic reasons."

It's very confusing, and it seems that you are trying to link several ideas into one. Instead, separate them into separate sentences. You also spelled "made" wrong, and "important" does not have an "s" at the end.

-Use more sophisticated transition words like, "As well", "Although", "Therefore", "Despite this", "In addition to"...

-You wrote,

"Finally, and in my opinion I think that every under country must afford enough jobs, especially for the Youngers those that are considered as the future of the country, and try to reduce the social problems and then stop the immigration."

Here, you are stating an opinion. You need to back up your opinion with actual facts.

-When you make a point in a paragraph, elaborate on it. Then make another point that is relevant to what you are discussing in that paragraph, and elaborate.

-You need to sit down and talk with someone who is good at writing essays, and have them help you on basic essay structures. You also need help on sentence structuring.

Good luck

Undergraduate / Rotman Commerce, extracurricular skills and experiences (DECA experience) [5]

Good point about the DECA thing.