faith91
Jan 29, 2011
Undergraduate / Got rejected by UMD; TRANSFER to U Maryland College Park-Civil Eng [5]
" I began to wonder about my future career. I began to gaze at the ceiling. I only wanted to become one thing a engineer,"
When I read the first sentence, I thought you didn't know what you want to be, then all the sudden you are so decided that you want to be an engineer! I would work on this sentence.
I like your essay format, but Two things you need to work on
First: Your vocabulary, some words are repeated
Second: your reasoning for transferring are too short. Expand them a little
explain them more.
I think I have the same problem with mine. but i don't know how to fix it
Please read mine and let me know what you think!!!
Best of luck,
" I began to wonder about my future career. I began to gaze at the ceiling. I only wanted to become one thing a engineer,"
When I read the first sentence, I thought you didn't know what you want to be, then all the sudden you are so decided that you want to be an engineer! I would work on this sentence.
I like your essay format, but Two things you need to work on
First: Your vocabulary, some words are repeated
Second: your reasoning for transferring are too short. Expand them a little
explain them more.
I think I have the same problem with mine. but i don't know how to fix it
Please read mine and let me know what you think!!!
Best of luck,