Writing Feedback / History Paper on Revolutions [3]

This is my essay based on this topic:

"Taking into consideration at least three of the revolutions we have studied in the course, assess their relevance to Western society today, and indicate which was the most significant in the long term."

Surprisingly for a history course, 1/2 the marks for the essay is allocated to SPELLING, GRAMMAR, and FLAIR of the written work. I am quite worried about the grammar part, so it would be very helpful if you could point out my grammar mistakes.

Also, is my structuring of the essay logical and easy to follow? It was hard to try to keep the discussion of each revolution sort of connected.

Thank you for your time!

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The subject of human history is ineffably dense. One can develop a grasp on the broader picture, however, by simply studying the pivotal points of history. The most dynamic and phenomenal of these defining moments are revolutions. The American, French, Russian, and Industrial Revolutions are heavily studied today and have all influenced the Western society. The Industrial Revolution, however, has had the greatest long-term impact on the Western World, politically, socially, and economically.

The Industrial Revolution stemmed from Britain in the 18th century and spanned a century in its spread to the rest of the Western World. This revolution dramatically altered the Western society, its most direct and tangible impacts being those related to technological advancements. Industrialization popularized many forms of tools and production methods. Many of these, such as chemicals and weaving machines, are still vital in today's industries. The Industrial Revolution modernized transportation by establishing railroads, better engineered roads, and intricate canal systems. There also emerged industrial buildings - better known as factories - that were responsible for propelling urbanization, which in turn shaped the modern city. Industrialization created many social issues that needed solutions, leading to the emergence of child labour laws, minimum wage, and trade unions. The shift from agricultural work to industrial work altered peoples' lifestyles by magnifying the distinction between home life and work life. Men comprised a majority of the workforce and most women stayed home to care for the children, coining the idea of a "traditional family." The introduction of steam power for printing created a boom in newspaper and book publishing, leading to a clear rise in literacy and demands for political participation. The Industrial Revolution also had a profound economic impact. The growth of corporations and the evolution of commerce and banking all stemmed from this period. Industrialization heightened the demand for cheap raw materials and new markets for products. These needs encouraged imperialism and global trade, dramatically increasing global integration. The Industrial Revolution was instrumental in shaping the capitalist society by boosting the significance of wealth to rival that of religion, politics, and power.

The Industrial Revolution in Britain can be correlated to the American Revolution. To avoid foreign industrial competition, Britain sought to impede industrialization in other parts of the world by imposing harsh economic restrictions upon its colonies. The Iron Act was introduced in America to slow the development of the colony's iron industry. Such abuse of power by the British government inspired the American Revolution. This movement was a landmark in the rejection of autocratic power. The revolution advocated modern ideas of inalienable human rights, self-determination, and the law as an expression of the general will. Many of the notions popularized during this period remain today as core values in the Western society. The Declaration of Independence justified the right of the governed people to break away from unjust governments. Inherited governmental positions in America began to be replaced by figures with consent from the governed. The American Revolution had a fundamental impact on political views by spreading and encouraging republican ideals both nationally and to the rest of Europe. The revolution's social impact was minor. Despite the upturn of a local government over a distant one, there was essentially no notable change in the life of the common people.

The American Revolution served as an inspiration for the French people to have a revolt of their own. Similar to the movement in America, the revolution in France was based on ideas of the Enlightenment. The French Revolution and its democratic slogan, "liberty, equality, and fraternity," paved the way for the rejection of absolutist governments and the reinforcement of human rights and freedom in Europe. The French Revolution also brought forth a massive shift of power from the Roman Catholic Church to the state. This gesture foreshadowed the eventual secularization of state in the Western World. During this period of power struggles, factions within the National Assembly became more prominent. The arrangement of these factions in the Estates General conveniently introduced the left-right political spectrum that remains in use today. Ultimately, the French Revolution was flawed by fanatical idealism and was unsuccessful in establishing a stable, reformed government. The ideas of the revolution, however, spread throughout Europe and inspired those still under the suppression of feudalism to seek their rights.

The Russian Revolution of 1917 was another movement that promoted equality, though more economically than politically. This revolution was in part a ripple caused by the Industrial Revolution. Industrialization sharply divided society into the owners and the workers, with the latter comprising the majority of the population. This polarization influenced Marx's principles of socialism, which in turn inspired the Russian Revolution. In its effort to reject economic repression, the revolution set hopes of equality for all those in the world who felt disempowered by capitalism. Today, the Western economy remains heavily capitalist; the fundamental ideas of the Russian Revolution are still embraced by those who believe that a redistribution of economic power is necessary for the well-being of the working people. The 1917 Russian revolution was powerful in spreading socialist ideas and astonishing in its scope of immediate impact, but ultimately it was a failed attempt at a political and economic reform. The socialist ideals could not be achieved in practice and the communist Soviet government was dissolved in less than a century. Furthermore, in spite of the reactionary wave created by the 1917 revolution that extended until 1923, no other Marxist movement was successful in achieving or keeping concrete power.

All of the previously mentioned revolutions have helped shape the Western society. The Industrial Revolution, however, has had the most profound and long-term impact. The effects of the Industrial Revolution have directly affected the Western World by dramatically restructuring the economy and society. Furthermore, the rippling impact of industrialization influenced events relevant to society today, including the Russian and American Revolutions. The Industrial Revolution was a significant catalyst in the development of the Western society and is undeniably a tremendous milestone in human history.

Writing Feedback / Short Essay on The Crucible [4]

Hello! I wrote this essay based on following topic description:

A critic has remarked on teh following lack of nemisis or just punishment of the villain of hte play - Abilaril Williams: "and in that patter there is a gap. Abagail the Iago of the pice, runs away. Miller merely drops her when he has no further need of her. Not a Shakespearan tactic." Is the audience left unsatisfied by the lack of justice or do they forgive Abigail and are they glad that she has gone?

Is my essay ok is it too much beating around the bush? I did not exactly come to a solid conclusion, but I tried to explore her role in the play.

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Abigail Williams: An Unconventional Role as a Villain

In Arthur Miller's The Crucible, the whirlwind events of the Salem witch trials stem from the community's bottled up bitterness over political, financial, and personal issues. This devil-worship scandal is quickly seized by Abigail Williams as an opportunity to seek power and revenge. Abigail is a small-minded girl overflowed with resentment. She is an unmarried woman and also an orphan. Abigail must take the humble position of a servant, but her pride causes her to resent her low position on the social ladder. Abigail is hit with more bitter wind when John Proctor refuses to reciprocate her love. As an orphan, the young Abigail seems to have been deprived of nurturing love and becomes deeply attached to John Proctor, the only man who has given her passion and whom she claims "put knowledge in her heart." Abigail's desperation to cling onto Proctor's no longer existent love drives her to take advantage of the havoc in Salem to achieve her desires.

Abigail's vindictive and manipulative nature is a significant catalyst to the events and results of the witch hunt. Yet, this character's fate remains indefinite and is a lingering loose end to Miller's tragedy. Abigail is most often considered the play's villain and the lack of just punishment for her leaves the audience dissatisfied. Abigail initiates a sly game of finger pointing that leads to ample victims executed. She also greedily finds satisfaction in this game as it gives her a new kind of power that her reputation in the community did not previously grant. Abigail finds control over the "keys of the kingdom" and handles it with reckless, selfish hands. It is thus unnerving to the audience that she runs away from Salem, fleeing retribution and leaving others to sort out the mayhem she had caused. In the end of The Crucible, the Good met with unjust fate, while the Evil endured with no apparent punishment.

Miller's tactic is clearly far from Shakespearean. The tragedy leaves the villain's fate unaddressed, and in fact, Abigail's name is mentioned only once in the final act. Her lack of contribution to the conclusion of the play suggests that Miller only used her as a tool to mould his tragedy. Abigail is used only intermittently to manipulate the play and is eventually "thrown out", absent from the final form of the piece. Her role in shaping Miller's work mirrors her character in the play. Abigail's status as an orphan and her scandal with the Proctors make her a slight outcast in the community, just as her character did not seem to truly belong in the play. Abigail is rebuffed by John Proctor when he no longer finds her desirable, just as Miller disregards her in the conclusion of the play because he has no further need of her. Abigail Williams is perhaps then not truly a scheming villain, but simply a pathetic, bratty child seeking attention. Despite her influence in the witch hunt, Abigail ultimately remains neglected of love in Salem, of attention in the conclusion of the play, and of sympathy from the audience.

Writing Feedback / Research Paper on Perfumery and Chemistry [3]

Hi!
For chemistry class, I wrote a research paper on the subject of Perfumery and Chemistry. The essay itself it a bit long with diagrams and all, so I'd just like to get some advice on some sentences that I though might be awkward.

"Research has shown that many animal species secrete through their mucus small, water-soluble proteins called Odorant Binding Proteins (OBPs, see Fig. 2). These proteins occur in monomers or dimers and are theorized to have three possible intermediary roles between the binding of odorant molecules to olfactory receptors."

-> does the bolded part make sense? And should binding be plural?

"Natural fragrances are obtained from raw plant materials and animal secretions. There are currently five methods of extracting the fragrant-rich essential oils from natural materials; expression is a method used to extract scents from citrus fruits by pressing out the oils in their rind; in distillation, the plant is boiled and the resulting steam is allowed to condense, recovering droplets of scented oil; maceration is a process by which plants are steeped in vats of hot fats to form pomades; enfleurage is similar to maceration, except that it uses purified fats instead of hot fats; in extraction, the most commonly used and effective method, plants are soaked in a volatile solvent (e.g. benzene) and their oils are released into the liquid, which is then evaporated to obtain a strongly scented, waxy substance called concrete. These available methods allow fragrances to be extracted from various types and parts of plants, including flowers, leaves, roots, seeds, barks, resins, and fruits. "

-> is my use of semicolons a good way to organize this part? Should i separate the list with periods?

"Ethical issues are not the only impediments to the use of natural odorant compounds. Unpredictability and inconsistency of nature's products are often major obstacles; plants are affected by variables in their environment - such as temperature and soil condition - and the natural fragrances produced fluctuate in quality and quantity from year to year. Such inconsistencies in essential oils can lead to inconsistencies in perfumes. Synthetic fragrance compounds have become increasingly popular because they circumvent the problem of availability and variability. Some traditionalists in the perfume industry connote "synthetic" with "impure" and thus "inferior". Despite their zeitgeist rebuff of synthetics, the production of artificial fragrance compounds is the current focus of the fragrance industry."

-> Does this part flow well? Any awkwardness?

"Creating an evocative perfume goes far beyond mixing the juices of a bundle of flowers. This intricate task requires a solid understanding of chemistry concepts, a vast knowledge of fragrance materials, a clear vision and passion for creation, as well as a fine nose. Only then can a perfumer transform something seemingly repulsive - such as the greasy regurgitation from a whale or a damp piece of grey moss - into something pleasant to our noses. The boring or the ugly can be manipulated to create the sensually beautiful, and that is the true magic of perfumery."

-> I had the trouble of making the last line flow, especially the bolded part. Could you help me?

Thank you!

Writing Feedback / Short paper discussing SETTING [2]

Hi! I had to write a short paper discussing the setting of my ISU short story, "That Evening Sun" by William Faulkner. This is my first time writing a paper on the setting, so i was quite unsure as to how to go about writing. Please give me some opinions!

Willaim Faulkner's short story That Evening Sun is set in a southern United States town called Jefferson, in the early 1900s. This setting is crucial in establishing and justifying the townspeople's racist attitudes and actions. The main character in the story is Nancy, a coloured female servant for the Compson family. As a standard of racial segregation, Nancy must live separately from white people; her cabin and the Compsons's house are well separated by a few minutes walk, a ditch, and a fence. Nancy receives little respect in society because of her status as a black woman. The town's deacon uses Nancy as a sexual object, and then kicks her teeth out in rage when she demands payment. The townspeople casually accept such unjust treatment because of the racial distinction existing in the South. Nancy is so accustomed to being debased that she herself believes that she is worthless. Several times in the story she utters "I am nothing but a nigger," once even claiming that "God knows."

Racism also explains the lack of concern towards Nancy as she grows frantic in fear for her life. Mr. Compson is the only one who makes a slight attempt to alleviate Nancy's fear. The rest of the Compson family are apathetic to Nancy's concerns and selfishly dwell on their own petty problems. The story is told in the point of view of Quentin Compson, 15 years after the incident occurred. In creating this time gap, Faulkner emphasizes the narrator's detached attitude towards a black servant like Nancy. In the end of the story, Mr. Compson and the children leave Nancy alone and scared in her dark cabin. Nancy is scared for her life, but Quentin can hardly care for her safety; instead, he wonders who will do his laundry if she is killed. This sinister ending hints Nancy's death and cynically illustrates Nancy's insignificance in society.

The majority of the story takes place at night, in the dark. The darkness creates mood and is a backdrop that accompanies the looming threat of Nancy's death. The darkness is also something feared by Nancy and the Compson children alike. The children's fears, however, are pathetic when contrasted to that of Nancy's. The children accuse one another of being a "scairy cat" and are afraid of being chastised by their parents for leaving the house at night without permission. Nancy is scared because she predicts that her husband is hiding in the dark, waiting to slit her throat once she is alone. Through contrast, Faulkner points out the lack of meaning of the aristocracy and the harsh consequences of racial discrimination.

Does the concluding sentence even make sense? It's a bit late and I had a hard time trying to put into words what i have in mind! "The lack of meaning of the aristocracy" is a bit vague and unclear, maybe?

Grammar, Usage / "Then" as an adjective [4]

Is there a slash of not between the words "then girlfriend" and similarly "now wife"?