This is my essay based on this topic:
"Taking into consideration at least three of the revolutions we have studied in the course, assess their relevance to Western society today, and indicate which was the most significant in the long term."
Surprisingly for a history course, 1/2 the marks for the essay is allocated to SPELLING, GRAMMAR, and FLAIR of the written work. I am quite worried about the grammar part, so it would be very helpful if you could point out my grammar mistakes.
Also, is my structuring of the essay logical and easy to follow? It was hard to try to keep the discussion of each revolution sort of connected.
Thank you for your time!
-------------------------------------------------- -------------------------------------------------- ---------------------
The subject of human history is ineffably dense. One can develop a grasp on the broader picture, however, by simply studying the pivotal points of history. The most dynamic and phenomenal of these defining moments are revolutions. The American, French, Russian, and Industrial Revolutions are heavily studied today and have all influenced the Western society. The Industrial Revolution, however, has had the greatest long-term impact on the Western World, politically, socially, and economically.
The Industrial Revolution stemmed from Britain in the 18th century and spanned a century in its spread to the rest of the Western World. This revolution dramatically altered the Western society, its most direct and tangible impacts being those related to technological advancements. Industrialization popularized many forms of tools and production methods. Many of these, such as chemicals and weaving machines, are still vital in today's industries. The Industrial Revolution modernized transportation by establishing railroads, better engineered roads, and intricate canal systems. There also emerged industrial buildings - better known as factories - that were responsible for propelling urbanization, which in turn shaped the modern city. Industrialization created many social issues that needed solutions, leading to the emergence of child labour laws, minimum wage, and trade unions. The shift from agricultural work to industrial work altered peoples' lifestyles by magnifying the distinction between home life and work life. Men comprised a majority of the workforce and most women stayed home to care for the children, coining the idea of a "traditional family." The introduction of steam power for printing created a boom in newspaper and book publishing, leading to a clear rise in literacy and demands for political participation. The Industrial Revolution also had a profound economic impact. The growth of corporations and the evolution of commerce and banking all stemmed from this period. Industrialization heightened the demand for cheap raw materials and new markets for products. These needs encouraged imperialism and global trade, dramatically increasing global integration. The Industrial Revolution was instrumental in shaping the capitalist society by boosting the significance of wealth to rival that of religion, politics, and power.
The Industrial Revolution in Britain can be correlated to the American Revolution. To avoid foreign industrial competition, Britain sought to impede industrialization in other parts of the world by imposing harsh economic restrictions upon its colonies. The Iron Act was introduced in America to slow the development of the colony's iron industry. Such abuse of power by the British government inspired the American Revolution. This movement was a landmark in the rejection of autocratic power. The revolution advocated modern ideas of inalienable human rights, self-determination, and the law as an expression of the general will. Many of the notions popularized during this period remain today as core values in the Western society. The Declaration of Independence justified the right of the governed people to break away from unjust governments. Inherited governmental positions in America began to be replaced by figures with consent from the governed. The American Revolution had a fundamental impact on political views by spreading and encouraging republican ideals both nationally and to the rest of Europe. The revolution's social impact was minor. Despite the upturn of a local government over a distant one, there was essentially no notable change in the life of the common people.
The American Revolution served as an inspiration for the French people to have a revolt of their own. Similar to the movement in America, the revolution in France was based on ideas of the Enlightenment. The French Revolution and its democratic slogan, "liberty, equality, and fraternity," paved the way for the rejection of absolutist governments and the reinforcement of human rights and freedom in Europe. The French Revolution also brought forth a massive shift of power from the Roman Catholic Church to the state. This gesture foreshadowed the eventual secularization of state in the Western World. During this period of power struggles, factions within the National Assembly became more prominent. The arrangement of these factions in the Estates General conveniently introduced the left-right political spectrum that remains in use today. Ultimately, the French Revolution was flawed by fanatical idealism and was unsuccessful in establishing a stable, reformed government. The ideas of the revolution, however, spread throughout Europe and inspired those still under the suppression of feudalism to seek their rights.
The Russian Revolution of 1917 was another movement that promoted equality, though more economically than politically. This revolution was in part a ripple caused by the Industrial Revolution. Industrialization sharply divided society into the owners and the workers, with the latter comprising the majority of the population. This polarization influenced Marx's principles of socialism, which in turn inspired the Russian Revolution. In its effort to reject economic repression, the revolution set hopes of equality for all those in the world who felt disempowered by capitalism. Today, the Western economy remains heavily capitalist; the fundamental ideas of the Russian Revolution are still embraced by those who believe that a redistribution of economic power is necessary for the well-being of the working people. The 1917 Russian revolution was powerful in spreading socialist ideas and astonishing in its scope of immediate impact, but ultimately it was a failed attempt at a political and economic reform. The socialist ideals could not be achieved in practice and the communist Soviet government was dissolved in less than a century. Furthermore, in spite of the reactionary wave created by the 1917 revolution that extended until 1923, no other Marxist movement was successful in achieving or keeping concrete power.
All of the previously mentioned revolutions have helped shape the Western society. The Industrial Revolution, however, has had the most profound and long-term impact. The effects of the Industrial Revolution have directly affected the Western World by dramatically restructuring the economy and society. Furthermore, the rippling impact of industrialization influenced events relevant to society today, including the Russian and American Revolutions. The Industrial Revolution was a significant catalyst in the development of the Western society and is undeniably a tremendous milestone in human history.
Greetings!
First, let me say you've done an excellent job here. Very good work! I'll make a few suggestions and try to help with the sentences you pointed out.
"better engineered roads" - should probably be "better-engineered roads"
"coining the idea of a 'traditional family.' " - I've heard of coining a phrase, but not of coining an idea. Also, surely the roles of men working outside the home and women working within the home existed long before the Industrial Revolution?
"in the Western society" - you use this phrase several times. The accepted way to say it would be "in Western society."
"The Declaration of Independence justified the right of the governed people" - I'm not sure "justitifed" is the correct word here. What about "proclaimed" or "established"?
"The American Revolution had a fundamental impact on political views by spreading and encouraging republican ideals both nationally and to the rest of Europe. The revolution's social impact was minor. Despite the upturn of a local government over a distant one, there was essentially no notable change in the life of the common people. These two sentences are awkward. How can I incorporate the idea of these two sentences while keeping the flow from the previous sentence? "
OK, how about this:
"The American Revolution had a fundamental impact on political views by spreading and encouraging republican ideals both nationally and throughout Europe. The revolution's social impact, however, was minor. Replacing a distant government with a local one brought about no notable change in the lives of the common people."
"The Russian Revolution of 1917 was another movement that promoted equality, though more economically than politically." - If you are describing the type of equality that was promoted, say "...movement that promoted equality, though more economic than political."
Your writing is very good! I think you should be in excellent shape, grade-wise. Best of luck!
Thanks,
Sarah, EssayForum.com
