Undergraduate / personal statement essay, first generation american going into business [2]

Applying to UW.

The essay draft i have below is almost a final draft, i am applying to business school but i need help as to relating why i want to go into business. i was going to go off of how businesses run america and to impact communities you can go to the foundation of our societies which is business. i need help going off of that or if you have suggestions. i also wanted to somehow had my community service, i helped with disaster relief in new orleans and volunteered in israel. this is my essay so far

By day he would play the saxophone on the busy streets of Manhattan, as tourists and businessmen threw change into his hat, and by night he would work at a restaurant or filling in driving a cab. With pay of only $1 an hour, the Russian Brighton Beach restaurant in Brooklyn paid my father in cash and after a 16 hour work day, he was happy as if he had just won the lottery. It was 1989 and my family had just immigrated to the United States from the former U.S.S.R. With no abilities to speak the English language and $660 in their pockets, my family had barely enough to make first month's rent. My mother, pregnant with me at the time, could find very little work. The landlord of our building offered her a job which she took gladly: to sweep the streets twice a week, and throw out the trash, paying $40 a month. Seeing both my parents work hard for each penny made me respect the value of money from a very early age. I was not presented with any strains to support a family, but I did face a problem once I went to school.

I come from a family that has had to take major risks in order to bring me to the place I am today. Being treated as second rate citizens, they had decided that leaving their home in Dnepropetrovsk, Ukraine was the only way they could preserve their identity and raise a Jewish family. During the Soviet Union, discrimination was all too common and freedom of religion was not a luxury they had. Packing the entire contents of their lives into two suitcases to start a home in a foreign land, my parents were dedicated to giving my brother and me a promising future in the land of the free. They were risk takers because they sought a better, freer life.

As a child, I was embarrassed of my family's culture because I did not understand why I was so different from everyone around me. I was walked to school by grandmothers wearing Ukrainian headscarfs, instead of having Wonder bread sandwiches my packed lunch reeked of chicken livers, baked beets and jellied meat, and you could hear it in the accents when we spoke, we were different. Within my home, I practiced Russian Jewish values and customs, like kissing the mezuzah before entering the house, spiting three times over my left shoulder anytime I spoke of something good before it happened, and having to put on tapki while walking around the house so that the floors didn't get dirty. Outside of my house, however, I was in a totally different world and during my adolescence would do anything to fit into it.

When my parents divorced my sophomore year of high school, my mother and I began to struggle financially. In order to maintain the American image that fit in with my peers, I made many sacrifices during my high school years. Though my mother did not try to concern me with our financial burdens, I was old enough to recognize the problems and the possible risk of giving up my American standard of living. At the time when most others my age had priorities of being part of social circles and studying, I was doing just the opposite and focused on getting paychecks. At one point in time, I held three jobs (two retail stores and a retirement home) all at once while still attending high school classes and running start at Bellevue College. I didn't have to ask for money to go to the movies or buy brand name school clothes, I never had to ask for gas money, or help with repairing my car. Although my mother continually reminded me about how important education was I became blinded by materialistic ambitions.

At the time, I was too consumed by my own self-interests to fully understand the consequences of my evasion of school. It did not bother me because I wanted to have the possessions and life that the popular teenagers had in my high school. Soon, shifts at work consumed all of me. Friends no longer invited me to events, my low grades kept me from participating in the cheerleading team again, and I was still going through the emotional instability of my parents' divorce. I became so detached from school that turning my grades around didn't seem within reach. My dreams of attaining a college education were quickly fading away.

Undergraduate / UW Transfer -- personal hardship, life experience (business major) [2]

i need help answering these questions, each one has a 1,300 word max. so far i have answered number 1 and 4, and have a start on number 2 but am stuck, and i dont know how to answer the one about leadership since i never really had a leadership role in any school club/organization or work. what do people write about as leadership who're just average like me? do you think i answered the questions sufficiently?

1. Describe any personal or economic hardships or barriers you have had to overcome and explain how they affected your education. Be specific about when you encountered these hardships and how long they lasted.

2. In the context of your life experience, describe your understanding of cultural differences, how this awareness was acquired, and how it affected you.

3. Write about any experience you have had that demonstrates your leadership skills. Examples could be taken from: employment, community service, student organizations, or similar situations. Be specific about when you had these experience(s) and how long they lasted.

4. How has the educational background of your parents/legal guardians influenced your own education, especially your decision to go to college? What kind of support did you receive in making and pursuing the decision to go to college? Please tell us if you are among the first generation in your family to go to college.



my response to number 1:

When my parents divorced during my sophomore year of high school, my mother and I began to struggle financially. Although she didn't try to concern me with financial burdens, I was old enough to recognize the problems and made sacrifices to help maintain our standard of living. Most of my peers prioritized their time with socializing and studying while I remained focused on my family's finances. At one point, I held three jobs (two retail stores and a retirement home) during high school while also enrolled in running start at Bellevue College. Because of my jobs, I didn't have to ask for money to go to the movies or for brand-name clothes. I never had to ask for gas money, or help repairing my car. Although my mother continually reminded me about how important education was, I was too consumed by work to fully understand the consequences of not making schoolwork a priority.

Work life took over, I didn't see my friends, low grades kept me from participating in after school activities I used to enjoy like cheerleading and competitive ballroom dancing, and I was still reeling from my parents' divorce and the death of both grandmothers. I became so detached from school that good grades didn't seem within reach. However, I learned that a good education could be found outside the classroom too. In 2008, I traveled to New Orleans to volunteer with a group organized by a high school math teacher. I recognized social inequalities, developed cross-cultural awareness, and began understanding the importance of strong leaders in communities. We took part in acts of civil disobedience by blocking streets in order for the city to pick up waste from the land plots we cleared. Last summer, an educational trip to Israel allowed me to see the raw tension of Middle Eastern political conflicts firsthand, while also learning about leaders that are helping resolve them. The borderlines of Syria and Lebanon were outlined during my hike in Mount Bental and walking the Golan, where the 1967 Six day war took place, assured my belief that prospering as a global community is only possible with acceptance of other cultures, and leaders that can drive us there . I learned from leaders in my own community as well by volunteering with Homeward Pet Adoption/Animal Shelter, Eastside Legal Assistance Program, and Circle of Friends retirement community. Because of these enriching experiences, I began to see the world through new lenses and my priorities changed.

With renewed aspirations to learn and a strong desire to make up for the educational opportunities I took for granted, I began my new journey at Cascadia Community College. Having taken about 20 credits a quarter and excelling in all subjects exposed me to many areas of business, such as, economics, accounting, and finance. For example, through mathematical analysis in Business Pre-Calculus, I demonstrated my ability to take and interpret data towards making informed decisions and finished the course with a 4.0 grade. And an understanding of various economic events and its impacts on society has been showcased through my coursework in microeconomics. The knowledge gained from these courses serve as valuable groundwork needed in all areas of business and management. By the end of this summer, I will receive an associate's degree in business, earned in about a year's time, with a GPA of 3.4. I believe the avenue that will allow me to make the biggest mark on our community is a degree in business.

Even though my past follows me today in the form of poor transcripts from my teenage years, they are in no way a reflection of the person I am today. In more ways than one, the adversity I overcame has served as an advantage. It allowed me to rise above my insecurities and has pushed me towards the new path I've paved for myself. I feel blessed to have this second chance at attaining a higher education and rewarding my parents for the risks and sacrifices they took to bring me to the land of opportunity. Although, there are a number of universities that offer a bachelor's in business, the Foster School of Business with Seattle's culturally diverse community have been the most appealing. Additionally, I would love to take advantage of the opportunities offered by organizations on campus, such as the Association of Collegiate Entrepreneurs. Their great networking opportunities not only cultivates long-lasting relationships with other students in my study, but enhances leadership and further exploration into related fields of business. The independent study in student organizations would also grant me with essential experience needed in for a business career. I'm determined to make the most of my opportunities as a student at University of Washington's Foster School of Business, where I look to grow and make a lasting impact.

my rought attempt to answer number 2:
Today, I consider myself lucky because I have lived in two distinct cultures, the Russian and American one. However, as a child, I was embarrassed of my family's culture because I did not understand why I was so different from everyone around me. My grandmothers walked me to school wearing Ukrainian headscarves, my lunches reeked of jellied meat, and you heard it in the accents when we spoke, we were different. At home I practiced Russian Jewish values and customs, like kissing the mezuzah before entering the house and spiting three times over my left shoulder anytime I spoke of something good before it happened. Outside of my house, however, I was in a totally different world and during my adolescence would do anything to fit into it.

my response to number 4:
Born as a first-generation American in my family and raised by Russian immigrants, I have been able to directly witness barriers to economic success without an education. In 1989, my family immigrated to the United States from the former Soviet Union. Treated as second-class citizens, they decided that leaving their home in Dnepropetrovsk, Ukraine was the only way they could preserve their identity and raise a Jewish family. In the Soviet Union, discrimination was all too common and freedom of religion was not a luxury. They packed their lives into two suitcases to begin anew in a foreign land, dedicated to giving my brother and I a promising future. Without any knowledge of the English language and about $660 in their pockets, my parents barely had enough to make the first month's rent. My mother, pregnant with me at the time, couldn't find work. Our landlord offered her a job paying $40 a month, which she gladly accepted. Her duties included sweeping the streets outside the building twice a week and getting rid of all the trash. Seeing how hard both of my parents worked for each penny made me respect the value of money and hard work from a very early age. My fathers' exemplary work ethic combined with a sprinkle of perseverance, and devotion to ascend the financial ladder, opened a successful business to better provide for himself, and more importantly his family.

My parents undoubtedly are one of the dominant influences that have shaped my character and led me to pursue a degree in business. They not only taught me to value the freedoms I have as an American citizen, but also to take advantage of educational opportunities they were not afforded. The setback experienced in school during my teenage years has been pushing me to my greatest limits ever since, strengthening my path to success. Since starting anew at Cascadia Community College, I have approached all coursework with a fierce eagerness to learn and an undying thirst to make up for the education I took for granted. I feel blessed to have this second chance at attaining a higher education because it taught me to appreciate all of the risks and sacrifices my family took to come to a land of opportunity. With my father as a prime model of a hard work ethic, I have adopted his dedication to pursue a successful career in business as well.

I am now aware of my academic capabilities and determined that I will be able to have the education at the University of Washington that I've always dreamed of, the same education that my family sacrificed their life in Ukraine for.