Writing Feedback / IELTS - humans should be able to use animals for their own benefit? [6]

Thanks Borislav,

It took me around one hour to write this essay.

Can you please introduce yourself .

Are you also planning to sit IELTS exam?

Is the format good enough ?

I need a score of 7 in writing can anyone suggest is this a level 7 essay??

Writing Feedback / IELTS - humans should be able to use animals for their own benefit? [6]

Thanks a lot "TransferringStu ".

I will definitely take into consideration the points you discussed above.

Once again, thanks.

Writing Feedback / Argument essay on whether students should be required to have physical education [4]

Topic-Whether or not students should be required to have physical education.

In my opinion you should start explaining your topic first in your own words.

Example-As the education system all over the world is improving and advancing, more emphasis have been placed on great variety of activities and one of the important aspect is the introduction of physical education curriculum. Some people suggests that fitness programs should be introduced and made compulsory for students .Other people however criticize that sports have no place in the education curriculum.

Then a sentence about thesis-This essay will consider arguments for and against incorporating physical education in the curriculum.

It has been proved that physical fitness is essential for our health. Physical education provide necessary motivation for health in students . Also, knowledge about health issues and practices will lead to a more healthy and balanced life in the future. U need to give main ideas and then support those ideas with the relevant examples. Like If you start paragraph about pros, then continue with examples, and then in the next para give cons or vice versa, but it should be clear to the reader what is your prospective.

Some schools do not require students to participate in physical education classes, but it is important for young kids to stay physically active. The rise of obesity in young children has become a growing concern in America. Physical education should be required every year for all public school students. Please try to use formal English like children instead of kids

Some students are physically unable to participate in physical education. I agree that if a student has a note from their doctor that it is fine for them not to participate. All the others should be required to participate though. Their involvement in physical education teaches them about lifelong fitness. While I attended grade school, physical education helped play a valuable role in my life. I became involved in several different sports because of participation in physical education classes. During school we played football games during physical education. In addition, we learned some of the basics of baseball and softball. I played football and baseball for years because of my involvement in physical education classes. After graduation,

Many grammar mistakes---Mixture of tenses- I still kept the same habits from grade school, by continuing to stay physically active. I participate in softball tournaments occasionally to keep myself in shape. In addition, I try to lift weights four or five days a week. Students who do not participate in physical education more than likely will not be physically active as adults. By not teaching children about physical education, it almost certainly adds to the problem.

Some students do not want to participate in physical education because they are worried about sustaining injuries. Their argument is children participating in physical activity are at a higher risk of injury than those who are in academic classes. By not being physically active, a student is at greater risk for sustaining an injury. It is important to stretch and warm up before starting any work out. Students learn this from their participation in physical education class. Stretching helps in developing overall flexibility, particularly in the spine, shoulder, and hip areas. The kind of stretching depends on the type of activity a person plans to engage in. For instance, if one is about to play sports, the recommended kind of stretching would be the ones that mimics the movements of the activity the student engages in. Warming up also helps to avoid injury. To warm up start at a gentle pace, and then slowly increase the pace until the heart rate increases and the body temperature rises. Warming up also helps to loosen up muscles and jump-starts the fluids in the joints. If a student is not required to participate in gym class, they may not be aware of warming up to prevent them from sustaining injuries if they decide to start a workout regimen or any kind of physical activity.

Obesity is becoming a concern among young kids now. The Southeast now has a new name. Instead of the Sun Belt, some call the Southeast the diabetes belt. Almost every time I turn on the news there is a story about the rising epidemic of obesity. With teenage obesity as prevalent as it is, it is imperative that physical education classes be mandatory at all grade levels nationwide. The amount of obese youth has steadily risen in the last twenty years. It is an obvious fact that physical education classes, when made mandatory, would help improve the physical health of the youth across America. It is important for the student to learn how to keep ones self in proper physical condition. In addition, by making physical education mandatory for all schools nationwide it will help make the students realize how important it is to stay physically active. Obesity also leads to hypertension, sleep apnea, diabetes, asthma, and many other serious problems. Physical education classes can help to reduce the chances for those problems, but there are other steps to take. Exercise is important, but diet is also a major factor in health. Eating healthy foods and exercising will make students be much healthier.

In conclusion,(rephrase the question and give your opinion). In overall analysis of the argument for and against physical education in the education system.
I contend that physical education is necessary for development and better future of children, hence it should be mandatory for students to take part in such activities.

This will improve children's health as well as develop new insight in them.

I hope it might help you a bit as I am also preparing for IELTS exam.

Thanks

Our society is becoming unhealthier every year because of students lack of exercise. They need to be educated in physical fitness. They can achieve this by participating in physical education classes, learning how to warm up, stretch, and exercise. Obesity is growing in our population every year. Everyone should participate in physical education classes to learn about, and prevent obesity. If we continue with the lack of physical education in schools, we will continue to contribute to the poor health of students.