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Posts by aosi111
Joined: Apr 14, 2011
Last Post: Apr 24, 2011
Threads: 1
Posts: 3  
From: China

Displayed posts: 4
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aosi111   
Apr 14, 2011
Writing Feedback / Educational institutions do not mean we can be deprived of what we insist [8]

several tips from aosi
1. You arguement is so thin that resulting in a serious consequence : there is a single point in the whole essay.

2.The structure is obviously unreasonable. You may distribute each paragraph more equal and try to give each one a core idea.

3.In my opinion, your essay is a little deviated from the topic, you should talk more about "educational institutions".

4.Please insert a "blank" between a "," and a capital.
aosi111   
Apr 14, 2011
Writing Feedback / [GRE] I-3-AW-NO.1 - Salt - Education [2]

Several tips from aosi

1.The structure and template of the essay is so good, your core idea is clear and pinpoint.

2.第一段中,granted that 是一个有让步意味的词,但是在后面却没有转折部分,后面的therefore也看不出因果关系。(不知道我理解到没。。)

3.The fourth is spendid (or artificial to play word game? I don't know...)

Your work is so cool. Maybe I can learn a lot through this program.
aosi111   
Apr 20, 2011
Writing Feedback / Universities bear the responsibility of cultivating and developing interests of students. [4]

Issue^13="13) Universities should require every student to take a variety of courses outside the students' field of study"

I strongly agree with the contention that universities should require every student to take a variety of courses outside the student's field of study primarily because one of the most important aim of universities is to help students find their true interest and help them broden the scope of knowledge. However, at the same time we should not ignore the fact that overstating the importance of the subjects outside student's field will lead to a dangerous situation as for one's occupation career.

First of all, universities bear the responsibility of cultivating and developing interests of students. High school graduates generally don't truely know what is their interests on certain subjects before they have access to various of displines. There is a great need for them to get a, more or less, deeper understanding of each kind of displines in order to finally determine the final research oritation.

In addation, since a variety of disciplines are logically associated, the study of an irrelated course, as it seems to be, will benefit one own major. The knowledge of mathmatics will contribute to either the research of economy and architecture. For example, Da Vinci is a great scientist and aritist which may seem to be impossibe for him to bear such two distinct talents. As we know, his study of anatomy played an virtal role in his successful and precise depiction of human body. In this sense, the provision of a variety of displines will enhence the scope of students' knowledge and offer a more comprehensive angle concerning any problems.

However, over emphasize the importance of studying the course outside may lead the students neglecting the knowledge of certain fields of study, and thereby have no capability and energy to engage any realm of employment or research work. Knowledge outside one's own majoy just exerts a contributive function, like providing background information and striking inspiration. So after the general training of various of courses we need to get back to focus on certain subjects.

From all the analysis above, we can safely draw the conclusion that it's rational for university to offer students a variety of courses no matter they have a direct relationship or not with students' field of study and it's also essential to keep a good banance.
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