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Posts by Victorious2011
Joined: Apr 18, 2011
Last Post: Jun 20, 2011
Threads: 2
Posts: 2  
From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 4
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Victorious2011   
Apr 18, 2011
Undergraduate / "what doesn't kill you.." - Significant Event Honors College Admissions [2]

I'm really nervous about submitting this essay. It's meaningful to me and (I believe)answers the question completely, however I don't want to shed myself in a negative (or too religious) light. Let me know what you interpret the overall message to be. Does the title fit? Comments and suggestions are appreciated!

What do you consider to be the most significant event in your life?

What Doesn't Kill You Only Makes You Stronger
Rewind to the 7th grade. I was your average student, albeit eccentric, but nonetheless normal. Not for long. You see, when I was in middle school, I was meek and kept more to myself than I do now. You'd think it would be the other way around, considering I was accused of being a homicidal 13-year-old.

I never agreed with what the 'popular kids' were wearing or approved of the offensive language. It's just the way I was raised, attending a Christian academy for several years. My morals grew very strong, however some might say I was still naïve. The girls my age targeted me, as I was the odd one out. They thought they could ruin what little reputation I had by starting a rumor. According to these girls I had a "hit list" and it spread like wildfire. After a while, it had gotten around to the whole school. At that time, there were school threat stories all over the news, referring back to Columbine and other tragedies. So students went home and told their parents, who called in, refusing to send their child to school with a maniac. As a solution to this I was expelled, and had to go to court and fight for my right to an education. It's always the quiet ones, huh?

There were a lot of accusations made against my parents and myself, all of which were cleared. I was permitted to start the next school year, but had to live with peers looking at me with the horrid expression of knowing, putting the name and the story to the face, and talking behind my back. That was hard to go through at such a young age, being a social outcast. Because no one has ever given me a chance, and it's hard to get past that.

Going back to my religious upbringing, I found strength from promises in the Bible, one of which was:

"There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it"

1 Corinthians 10:13

This verse showed me that God was with me, and that I would get through this with His help. The situation as a whole was unwarranted. I did nothing wrong, so why was I being punished? Out of my adolescence, this experience is meaningful not because of how traumatizing it was, but because I learned so many life lessons over a short period of time. Events like this although painful, serve to make us stronger. We learn perseverance through hardships in life. We learn how to deal with other struggles we will inevitably be faced with. It's difficult to be left out, to be outside the crowd. But now, I have accepted myself, and know can't change my past; but graduation day, I'm eager for a fresh start.
Victorious2011   
Apr 18, 2011
Writing Feedback / "Claudia, my cousin and best friend" - Describe a person you know [4]

reading through, these are some mistakes that I found in order. Good content overall! :)

* single, but
*As a Physical Education
*weekdays, she
*evenings; she is not able to
*spend much time with her family and friends.
*She travels as much as she can on weekends, considering
try different word choice here; enjoys?>> * she (loves ) shopping andshe buys
*and so she dedicates
*life. T his is
the red squiggly line is lying. It's a word, I promise! >>*her obstinance and
*her appear rather immature
word choice; loud arguments?/ public?>>*leads to real fights in front of other people
*advanced course
*in her life, as well as
*person, and that
Victorious2011   
Jun 20, 2011
Writing Feedback / "my graduation from high school" - generic thank you/graduation announcement [2]

I am writing this letter to send in all my graduation announcements, as I am not having a graduation party, but would like to update my family that I don't exactly stay in constant contact with. Also, I want this to be as formal and polite as possible, and generically personal.

I know that sounds kind of confusing, but I hope you understand what I'm trying to get at.

Thank you in advance for all of your comments and corrections.

Dear Family and Friends:

I did it! I am completely overjoyed to announce my graduation from "Unnamed" High School. Now I'm moving onward and upward, but I realize I couldn't have done it without all of you. I want to thank each of you for your love, support and patience these past 12 years. I know it was not easy, but I hope you know how much I appreciated it. It's because of you that I have come this far.

Also, I would like to inform you that I was accepted into Oakland University's Honors College Program and am really looking forward to attending in the fall. I'm planning my classes around a bachelor's degree in communications. This is a liberal arts major designed to engage students in creating a voice for influencing our social world. My ultimate goal however is to earn a master's degree of library and information science from Wayne State University. I hope to use my education to the maximum capacity, and continue to benefit from all that I have been, and will be taught.

My love of learning has motivated me to peruse a career in either a library, due to the infinite amount of resources to answer any question; or a museum, which has thousands of years worth of knowledge in one building. One day, I wish to inspire someone to dream big, think for themselves and become a lifelong learner-just like I have been encouraged by each of you.

Special thanks to everyone who has congratulated my success or contributed in my benefit. I know it's difficult to make ends meet sometimes -especially in today's economy. I am so grateful for the help provided in funding for books and supplies I will need in the years ahead.

Thank you again for influencing me to be the person I am today. I will never forget your help!

Best wishes to you all,

Me
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