Undergraduate / "favorite quotation from an essay or book" - Princetone University (needs revision) [4]

Hi. Im new to this site, but i was just browsing the net, when i cam across it. And thought this would be a perfect place to get some help on my college application essays. At the time being i have prepared an essay for Princetone University. The first writing prompt is:

"Using a favorite quotation from an essay or book you have read in the last three years as a jumping off point, tell us about an event or experiance that felped you define one of your values or changed how you approach the world. Please write the quotation at the beginning of your essay."

Please let me kno anything that i can do to perhaps make this essay better or improve sentence structure, etc.

Much thanks in advance
Tlaw88

P.s i did not include the quote in my essay because i wasn't sure if i was allowed by this site.. please let me know if i can

Amidst all of the other motivational proverbs about pursuing and continuing with ones challenges in life, few come close to the message that this quote above entails. Thus is what compels a certain drive to keep going and never give up. This force is crucially important when applied to the number of things one tries to accomplish in life. Occasionally, people may need that extra push from a motivational speech as a base of encouragement, but often find themselves at a loss for who to turn to. For me, this is where the resource of entertainment comes in; it may be from movies, books, magazine articles, newspapers, etc. As long as I understand the general message being expressed and feel that drive of encouragement, then, I believe that I can achieve anything. Additionally, quotes like the one above, ultimately end up having a more eminent role pertaining to life, and subsequently the way one lives life, far more than initially recognized.

I consider the quote above to be uniquely inspirational to its listener for many different reasons. The passage was taken originally from the lines of a book, written by author Marianne Williamson and carefully woven into a stirring scene from a Movie made in 2005 called Coach Carter. Whenever I think about this movie I remember this quote. Likewise whenever I endeavor in anything whether it is an academic organization or an extra curricular activity, I remember these encouraging words. The moment these words are spoken by the character, his self-recognition of significance to his role of the plot is fulfilled. In that scene, surrounding him are his fellow teammates who also fulfill their purpose and adhere to believing their future can have an optimistic turn out. Consequently they are each moved by the words of this speech, which if never said, would have never inspired them to further challenge themselves and to take advantage of their education and other academic privileges that they had previously taken for granted. Their coach, standing before them, hears these words, so eloquently put and consents to his team's attitude of newfound dignity. Moreover the room full of basketball players and their coach, to whom the scene was dedicated, can now respect and appreciate one another's presence, equitably. They can accommodate each other in a more amicable fashion. They can accept lifes hardships, and turn it into a lesson to be learned. From that moment on, they are able to overcome their obstacles, and they can aspire to be anything. Always keeping in mind, who they are and not only that they represent themselves, but their families, their school, their neighborhood, and each other as a team. Likewise, whenever I am engaged with similar situations I am able to relate to the moral of this quote when remembering how I represent others through my own self-actions.

Undergraduate / Mrs. Lois Hirshkowitz, my principle for nine years; Inspirational Figures [NEW]

hii!!
here is another essay that i wrote that i was wondering if needs some revision and correction.. the essay prompt is to write:

Using a favorite quotation from an essay or book you have read in the last three years as a jumping off point, tell us about an event or experience that helped you define one of your values or changed how you approach the world. Please write the quotation at the beginning of your essay.

Of the many different people, places, ideas, and forces that have influenced my life, there was prominent person that stood out above the rest. Though it took me many years to realize just how special a role this person played in my life, all that she did was not in vain, but rather meaningful and inspirational. Unfortunately, I did not realize all of this until this person was gone forever. She influenced me in so many ways that I had hardly noticed. Her name was Mrs. Lois Hirshkowitz and she was my principle for nine years.

I met my new principal in the third grade, at a private school called Lakewood Prep. Naturally, upon my first encountering with the school, I disliked it. I had not wanted to adjust to the new environment because I missed my old school and my old friends; I missed the place where I felt secure and familiar with everyone and everything. This was a feeling that was no stranger to me, and I found would stick with me even as I grew older. I had never really accommodated to change. I liked familiarity, and I liked constancy because these were things I had grown accustomed to.

I soon found that I fit right in, and that Lakewood Prep was the right school for me. As I grew older, I adapted to how openly warm and welcoming the school felt, mainly because it was under such great influence by its coordinator. Mrs. Hirshkowitz, a genuinely patient and gentle woman, was always there for anyone who sought her advice and mentoring. Because of her unconditionally supportive motivation and guidance, I was able to acquire better habits for my own personal development, not just in behavior but also in all aspects interacting with others. This included having respect for peers and elders and learning how to appreciate everyone's presence instead of secluding myself from others. I opened up when it came to participation in class, discussions with teachers, or perhaps just lending a hand to those who needed it the most.

By my last year at the school, Mrs. Hirshkowitz became ill and was out of school for the remainder of that year. Though I was just a freshman in high school, because of Mrs. Hirshkowitz's impact, I had learned a lot about life and how should live it. I learned to appreciate and embrace all of what my teachers had to offer and accept consistent support from students who became valuable friends. I realized that it had not only been a school that our principal had founded, but a home built that consisted of one big family, which would continue to flourish with victory and love. I am eternally grateful to have met an astonishing person with such great ambitions in life, devoted to others' happiness. Mrs. Hirshkowitz has helped shaped my past and continues to shape my future, spiritually inspiring me to continue to strive in reaching my potential goals in life.