Hi. Im new to this site, but i was just browsing the net, when i cam across it. And thought this would be a perfect place to get some help on my college application essays. At the time being i have prepared an essay for Princetone University. The first writing prompt is:
"Using a favorite quotation from an essay or book you have read in the last three years as a jumping off point, tell us about an event or experiance that felped you define one of your values or changed how you approach the world. Please write the quotation at the beginning of your essay."
Please let me kno anything that i can do to perhaps make this essay better or improve sentence structure, etc.
Much thanks in advance
Tlaw88
P.s i did not include the quote in my essay because i wasn't sure if i was allowed by this site.. please let me know if i can
Amidst all of the other motivational proverbs about pursuing and continuing with ones challenges in life, few come close to the message that this quote above entails. Thus is what compels a certain drive to keep going and never give up. This force is crucially important when applied to the number of things one tries to accomplish in life. Occasionally, people may need that extra push from a motivational speech as a base of encouragement, but often find themselves at a loss for who to turn to. For me, this is where the resource of entertainment comes in; it may be from movies, books, magazine articles, newspapers, etc. As long as I understand the general message being expressed and feel that drive of encouragement, then, I believe that I can achieve anything. Additionally, quotes like the one above, ultimately end up having a more eminent role pertaining to life, and subsequently the way one lives life, far more than initially recognized.
I consider the quote above to be uniquely inspirational to its listener for many different reasons. The passage was taken originally from the lines of a book, written by author Marianne Williamson and carefully woven into a stirring scene from a Movie made in 2005 called Coach Carter. Whenever I think about this movie I remember this quote. Likewise whenever I endeavor in anything whether it is an academic organization or an extra curricular activity, I remember these encouraging words. The moment these words are spoken by the character, his self-recognition of significance to his role of the plot is fulfilled. In that scene, surrounding him are his fellow teammates who also fulfill their purpose and adhere to believing their future can have an optimistic turn out. Consequently they are each moved by the words of this speech, which if never said, would have never inspired them to further challenge themselves and to take advantage of their education and other academic privileges that they had previously taken for granted. Their coach, standing before them, hears these words, so eloquently put and consents to his team's attitude of newfound dignity. Moreover the room full of basketball players and their coach, to whom the scene was dedicated, can now respect and appreciate one another's presence, equitably. They can accommodate each other in a more amicable fashion. They can accept lifes hardships, and turn it into a lesson to be learned. From that moment on, they are able to overcome their obstacles, and they can aspire to be anything. Always keeping in mind, who they are and not only that they represent themselves, but their families, their school, their neighborhood, and each other as a team. Likewise, whenever I am engaged with similar situations I am able to relate to the moral of this quote when remembering how I represent others through my own self-actions.
Oh ok.. here was the quote.
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. It's not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own lights shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."
Williamson, Marianne. "Internet Resources." Our Deepest Fear Is not.... Dec 4, 07. SKdesigns. 25 Oct 2008 <skdesigns/internet/articles/quotes/williamson/ou r_deepest_fear/>.
Thank you very much... i will take the corrections into consideration and do my best to fix it up..
thanks for your time
Thank you. Now it makes a more complete picture for me as well as others on this site, and we can all give you more specific feedback :)
I think your essay highlights this quote very well. You have good explication and tie it into your essay very nicely. With the suggested clean-up, I think your piece will be very good indeed. Keep up the hard work.
