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Posts by emphatic
Joined: Jun 28, 2011
Last Post: Aug 9, 2011
Threads: 2
Posts: 1  
From: Kazakhstan

Displayed posts: 3
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emphatic   
Aug 8, 2011
Writing Feedback / Today's world is full of cruelty and violence; Problems with student behaviour [4]

Topic: In many countries schools have severe problems with student behaviour. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest? (IELTS)

Undeniably, in today's world full of cruelty and violence, more and more children give in to this tendency, causing problems with their behaviour in schools.

The first and foremost, one of the causes is lack of family affection that plays a an indispensable part in children's psychological formation. When children have problems with their parents, it is immediately obvious on their perfomance and behaviour in school, becouse they think about solution on their issue, rather than about studies. Furhermore, financial constraints and disturbing family atmosphere aggravates student's misbehaviour. Moreover, in this era of irreversible technological progress, many children face with brutality and inhumanity, outgoing from modern, sophisticated movies and computer games that harm children's delicate mental psychology. Another reason is bullying flowing from other students who have more authority in school. Thus, somebidy becomes a whipping boy for others, that is not always noticed by parents or school administration, therefore, not stopped at time.

The solution can lie in the actions of parents and teachers. Parents should support their children in all endeavors. They should resist watching violent films and programs and playing murderous video games.Teachers should act with understanding and encouragement. School guidance may open free sport clubs, where students will be able to spend their leasure time. Moreover, administratin should open psychological clubs with experienced psychologists in order to help morally to students with various problems, starting from household, ending with social.

In conclusion, children are the flowers of life. The have a fragile heart and soul. Accordingly, they need an appropriate care and concern. Parents and school have to protect them from miserable influence of the society in order to help students to build a strong personalities, as they are future of our planet.

Please, check and score my essay. What can I do to improve my writing?
emphatic   
Aug 9, 2011
Writing Feedback / IELTS: People's interaction and relationships vs technology [8]

On the one hand
negative effects have occurred
In recent years
each other
As it is known
to touch each other by telephone-didn't understand
traffic burden
with the development of technology
people interact with others

good piece of work. this could be improved by better linkers and more ambitious vocabulary.
emphatic   
Aug 9, 2011
Writing Feedback / fashionably to be concerned; Young are more aware of issues like the environment [3]

IELTS Topic: Young people are much more aware of and concerned about issues like the environment, poverty and animal welfare than previous generations. What is your own opinion?

In today's increasingly progressing world, many more young people start to energetically protect the environment, struggle with poverty, and take care about animal welfare than antecedent generations. As far as I am concerned, I agree with this statement owing to the following reasons.

To begin with, environmental destruction is one of the most significant worldwide issues. Nowadays, almost everyone is aware of scarce resources, whereas decades ago people squandered all these precious abudances. Today more and more young people muse about what can we leave for our next generations. For instance, numeros environmental movements are organized by youth caring about conservation of natural resources and areas, global warming, ozone depletion and plenty of other problems, altough previous generations took care about completely otherwise concerns.

Furthermore, youth helps to stop the growth of economic inequality which became an urgent problem for many countries, therefore, the ways of struggling against social inequality are the main topics of discussions. Many young volunteers leave their motherland and conclude a contract to live and work in poverty-stricken countries. Moreover, they organise a charity events, funds from which go for the needs of poor people.

Activity of young people do not end only with these contributions. They are also concerned about animal welfare, protecting animal ethics and rights. For instance, plenty of young individuals help in finding home for stray dogs,cats and other pets. Additionally, they frequently act as "mothers" for abandoned animals, looking after them. A fat lot young people become volunteers in some animal protecting organizations or even establish them themselves.

In conclusion, I daresay that possibly it is fashionably nowadays to be concerned about global problems than in 80-90s, when almost every teenager smoke and drank alcohol, because everybody did it, therefore young people are so active. Nevertheless, in any case, I am proud of today's youth.

Please, score my essay. What can I do to improve my writing?
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