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fashionably to be concerned; Young are more aware of issues like the environment

emphatic 2 / 1  
Aug 9, 2011   #1
IELTS Topic: Young people are much more aware of and concerned about issues like the environment, poverty and animal welfare than previous generations. What is your own opinion?

In today's increasingly progressing world, many more young people start to energetically protect the environment, struggle with poverty, and take care about animal welfare than antecedent generations. As far as I am concerned, I agree with this statement owing to the following reasons.

To begin with, environmental destruction is one of the most significant worldwide issues. Nowadays, almost everyone is aware of scarce resources, whereas decades ago people squandered all these precious abudances. Today more and more young people muse about what can we leave for our next generations. For instance, numeros environmental movements are organized by youth caring about conservation of natural resources and areas, global warming, ozone depletion and plenty of other problems, altough previous generations took care about completely otherwise concerns.

Furthermore, youth helps to stop the growth of economic inequality which became an urgent problem for many countries, therefore, the ways of struggling against social inequality are the main topics of discussions. Many young volunteers leave their motherland and conclude a contract to live and work in poverty-stricken countries. Moreover, they organise a charity events, funds from which go for the needs of poor people.

Activity of young people do not end only with these contributions. They are also concerned about animal welfare, protecting animal ethics and rights. For instance, plenty of young individuals help in finding home for stray dogs,cats and other pets. Additionally, they frequently act as "mothers" for abandoned animals, looking after them. A fat lot young people become volunteers in some animal protecting organizations or even establish them themselves.

In conclusion, I daresay that possibly it is fashionably nowadays to be concerned about global problems than in 80-90s, when almost every teenager smoke and drank alcohol, because everybody did it, therefore young people are so active. Nevertheless, in any case, I am proud of today's youth.

Please, score my essay. What can I do to improve my writing?
Alisha123 9 / 18  
Aug 10, 2011   #2
To me your essay falls between 6-6.5 band but it is just according to me but it totally varies with the examiner point of view.

I found conclusion more ambigious, One tactic is to connect conclsuion point of view with the points you already mentioned on the essay. Also, try to add some good examples to justify your topic sentence.

However the vocub is quite sufficient.
ekekek 25 / 51  
Aug 11, 2011   #3
well, as the essay title is the contrast of three aspacts between today and the past, so you need to give the comparison in your main body. Historically,_____________________. However, in the contemporary society, _____________________________.

you should clear you mind and strengthen your argument.

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