Undergraduate / Personal Statement for maths; "prime numbers are the very atoms of arithmetic" [NEW]

Hey, this is the 2nd draft of my personal statement, i wish to do mathematics at university prefereably warwick / royal holloway. i am having lots of difficult adding extra amazing bits as my writting enlish is not upto scratch. can some1 please help me out :(

In the early stages of my Mathematical understanding I learnt the very basic that prime numbers are only divisible by one and its self, little did I know that "prime numbers are the very atoms of arithmetic" as Marcus du sautoy illustrates in The Music of Primes.

I was given the school Mathematician award in secondary school for my interest and enthuse towards maths and for being the only individual to sit maths GCSE early. For this I studied for myself, which developed my skill of independent learning where I was not relying on others. Statistics was an extra GCSE that further developed my independent study skills.

I have particularly enjoyed my Maths and further Maths A level course, as I need to use a logical approach to problem solving of calculation involving calculus to understanding the concept of complex number. Numbers and formulas would play about in my head whilst I am asleep. Revising for my maths exams would not feel like a burden and the exams would be like an event to anticipate. I admired maths and the challenges it bought me from a young age, my achievement showed me that it was also my main strength that I want to further study on.

My other A level courses are also science based: Chemistry and Economics. They both complement my subject of Maths.

I have a high interest in economics I regularly read The Times and The Economist to keep up to date with the news especially now with the credit crises and its the impact on our economy.

I have looked into a wide range of careers that's a Mathematics degree can lead to, my main objective is to go into the financial field. I spent two days last year at Merrill Lynch Financial Centre where I was shown around the different aspects of an investment bank. I have been spending a day at a primary school guiding the Mathematically able pupils to solve challenging problems.

On top of my A levels I spend my Saturday at my local community centre tutoring young teenagers. For doing this I have achieved my 200 hour millennium volunteering award and currently working towards my 500 hour award. This helps me meet a wide range of people and enabled me to develop my communication skills.

As well as enrolling in the guardian angel to help support a new year seven student settle into school.
I am an enthusiastic individual towards the school community, I decided to give something back as it has made me more mature as a person. I helped out with many parents evenings and open evening, I built upon my communication skills.

My expertises in being organised are shown by my time management skills. I volunteer myself for local events in my borough such as fundraisers and, this is helped by the fact that I was the head of the social committee in school where I organised many events as the year seven disco and school prom

Whist undertaking my silver Duke of Edinburgh expedition, I was the team captain. My current job is a sale operative in a call centre. I have also worked as a sales assistant at the Emirates stadium on match days.

I could have gone to university last year, but I did not feel satisfied with leaving school with just two a levels and two as that was not my full potential.

Undergraduate / Maths Personal Statement for London universities - general checking [4]

Hey, I am applying to London universities to do maths, main aim being Warwick, but also applying to kings, ucl and imperial. I need help, just to check over the grammar and for general feedback. I have a 4000 character word limit and have gone over just a bit, so what bits are not important and can be left out? I can't think of a way to conclude, so have not started with a concluding paragraph, any suggestion? And do I need to add more personality in there?

I have always had a passion for mathematical studies, which is why I have never second-guessed my decision to advance my studies and ability in this subject further. Whist developing my knowledge of the complexities of maths I have begun to understand it is the very fundamental component to the world we live in- from our economy with the current credit crunch crisis to the very space surrounding us by the use of basic architectural structures and prediction of climate conditions. Maths is a challenging subject which I have an on going enthusiasm and motivation for.

Having studied all four modules of maths, pure mathematics has been my personal favourite where application of proof is involved. It prevents my mind from feeling satisfied until a problem is solved. Numbers and formulas would play about in my head whilst falling asleep. Revising for my maths exams have never felt feel like a burden and was like an event to anticipate. In year nine I sat my maths GCSE earlier then the rest of my year group. This enhanced my independent learning ability; I further developed when I was the only candidate to be entered for Statistics GCSE and studied the course in six months. Completing both of these courses without the support from school has adapted me to a self-reliant attitude to learning which will benefit me during my time in university. Achieving the Schools Mathematicain Award reflected that my attraction to maths from a young age was not only a passion but my strength. My other subjects complement mathematics as they also provide a model to our every day life; through the relationship of unemployment and GDP level against the balance of payment equilibrium and interest rates in economics, or through the models and equations in Chemistry. I am taking the EDCL as an extra course to improve my IT knowledge. Attending lectures at Gresham College has extended my understanding of maths beyond my a-level course. My subscription to the Problem Solving journal has helped me use a logical approach to solving problems, as I am giving a sheet of questions that are not dealt with at A-level maths.

Last year I was appointed Guardian Angel to support a year seven student settle into school. I have shown my appreciation and enthusiasm by contributing my service to the school community as they have helped me to mature as an individual. I have helped out at parents' evenings, by being a guide at many opening evenings and helping out with events organised by the sixth form committees. Being the head of the social committee has helped to build on my communication skills; to date I have organised the school prom, year seven disco and a talent show along with many fundraisers around the school. This has boosted my ability work as a team and my management capability. I further developed these skills after I was nominated to be team captain whist undertaking the expedition for the Duke of Edinburgh Silver Award.

On top of my A-levels, I have voluntarily spent time at different organisations tutoring young children over the last two years. Currently I spend Fridays at a primary school assisting mathematically able students to solve challenging problems and I am given the responsibility of introducing them to new ideas of maths. I received my 200-hour Millennium Volunteering award for tutoring at a Saturday School at one of my local community centre. Whist I was tutoring there, I was trusted to supervise for two months whist the manager was away. Helping out in events in my local borough is aiding me to achieve my 500-hour award. In terms of employment, I am a sales agent for a large marketing company in the city; I am operating within a professional environment, which has developed skills I need to sustain a working environment. Previously I have spent two years, as a sales assistant at the Emirates Stadium. Although these jobs do not have a high content of maths involved it has helped me to work under pressure and develop my own financial management. My expertise in being organised is reflected by my time management skills. I have looked into a range of careers that a mathematics degree can lead to. Merrill Lynch gave me an opportunity to spend to two days at Merrill Lynch Financial Centre in London shadowing its staffs from the different divisions of an investment bank. I have been selected to attend another insight day there at the end of this year where it will be based more on the technology involved in an investment bank.

Thank you soo much in advance.