Undergraduate / "A heart without knowledge.." - what matters most to you? [4]

"A heart without knowledge is like a ruined house, says Prophet Mohammad (PBUH)."

"I wish to resort to a country where there is no sign of Islam at all. Islam is the major barrier for the scientific, artistic, social and political progress. Islam means retardation and slavery." These sentences were my opinions about Islam before entering conservatory. Islam was the major factor opposing me in choosing music as a field of study, so this caused me to hate Islam more than before in an Islamic society.

I can't remember anybody approving of my decision to study music at high school. At the beginning of the educational year 2006-2007, I had chosen music with full diligence, and my family accepted reluctantly creating some impediments. The decision was like a victory as a result of my resistance.

This choice and the victory that I followed motivated me to study music curiously. For this reason, upon entering the conservatory, I caught the conservatory teachers and authorities' attention. Among them, the deputy was the person who caught my attention more than the others and who has had profound effect on me changing my life direction dramatically. Little by little, I became acquainted with his personality, and he was, for me, the first Muslim who had a different and creative view, and who managed to save my lost identity as an Iranian Muslim. Gradually, my hatred towards Islam turned to curiosity and interest.

The most effective experience of my life was shaped in my family relationships. I started these relationships with full refusal and denial, and I managed to achieve acceptability and agreeability in and among my family by changing my thoughts and deeds and this reached a point where I was asked for consultation going through more assiduity in order to create a hearty and rejoicing atmosphere at home. Now, I remember the moment when I opposed all to choose music, but now I have reached a place where my parents consult with me about everyday affairs, and my opinion is important for all. This is my second victory; and I have learnt that people can change.

My interest in music, impression from the deputy of the conservatory, and my impression on my family form the most important aim of my life, and I believe the best way to attain this goal is through immigrating to the West for Islamic Studies and learning about it from a world-known prominent Islamic philosopher educated in the West, Seyed Hossein Nasr (Professor of Islamic studies at George Washington University). When I evaluate my personality, I realize that a great revolution has taken place within me and that it is due to my acquaintance with influential and idealistic people who help and will help me to create an impression on the world in the future. At present, I want to devote all my life to this important topic and build my heart a house as wide as the world for knowledge.

Hi everybody. I need ur opinions about my admission essay plz. how is it?. It must be less than 500 words and it is 493 words now. Thanks in advance.

Writing Feedback / Is the effort involving inpursuing nay goal valuable, even if the goal is not reached [2]

prompt: Is the effort involving inpursuing nay goal valuable, even if the goal is not reached?

Life is like a journey, what matters the most is to enjoy the svenery on the way rather than urge to arrive in the final destination. Same idea, the effort involved in pursuing goals is very valuable, even if the goal is not reached. The famous tennis player Martina Hingis and the well-known British author JK Rowling are supportive examples that demonstrate my stance.

The legend of women's tennis Martina Hingis overcame with numberous of difficulties in orger to come back to the tennis court after serious injuries; however, she never get to achieve her goals as imagined, but the work and effort being put in made her one of the most valuable tennnis players. Hingis is the most talented tennis player in many's opinion. She set a serious of "youngest-ever" records before ligament injuries forced her to leave the tennis court in 2002. Hingis was considered legendary before she was injured. She won five Grand Slam single titles at the age of 16. Moreover, Hingis spent a total of 209 weeks as world number one before the age of 20. She tried extremely hard to recover and overcome with her injuries for years. Finally, after all the fainful surgeries and recuperations, Hingis returned to WTA tour as she wished. Nevertheless, time does not go back, she could not be like the Hingis once before, more painful injuries pulled her down deep again. Although Hingis did not succeed after years of effor to come back, she did earn a lot of respect and lifelong lessons from the efforts she made.

JK Rowling, made strong efforts in pursuing her goals by standing in opposite with her parents. Rowling insisted to major in classical literature while her parents strongly disapproved. However, Rowling kept working towards her goal and made efforts to chase her dream. The famous HP series were created, but received no support from her mom before passing away. Rowling never got to share her accomplishments with her whole family, but what she had done was to share all her talend with the whole world. Although Rowling never wanted to go opposite with her beloved parents, resulting her mom to die without knowing anything about her own charming daughter and the legendary work she created, Rowling did stand out in life because of her hard work in pursuing her goal.

As the above examples demonstrate, the effort involving in pursuing any goal is valuable. The hard work and time being put in by Hingis and Rowling paid off in many other ways, even if their main goal was not reached.

*I'd like some feed backs and corrections to this essay, as well as a score (if possible.)
ps: I know that this essay contains a numberous of grammar errors and a lot of awkward sentences, but it's the best I can do. I'd be more than happy to receive any kind of suggestions for my writing!