Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing task 1_ the requirement of coal per person in 15 countries [3]

Hi everyone, this is my first post, and i hope i will get some useful feedback from all of you.
Thank you so much!

The table shows the requirement of coal per person in 15 highly populated countries in 2005. Overall, it is clearly seen that the demand of energy in industrialized countries are higher (first group), nearly three times as much as in other two group combined.

The industrialized nations consist of USA, Germany, UK, Russia and France. USA had the highest of consumption in coal, it was twice as high as others countries in this group. The statistics of France was lowest, but it was still higher than all countries in other groups.

The next group of five countries has energy requirement ranging from 3839 kg in Japan to 646 kg in Brazil. In this group, the data of Italy is 3277 kg; it is three times as much as in Mexico.

Five countries in last group are less industrialized nations, so they have the lowest needs of coal. Turkey has the highest requirement in this group with 628 kg per person. However, it is lower than Brazil and just one fifth of Japan. Egypt, Philippines and Thailand have the similar demand over 300 kg, while India is in the bottom of energy needs with 201 kg.

All in all, the high demand of energy largely coverage in industrialized countries such as USA, Germany, UK...

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Writing Feedback / IELTS: people are losing their moral values [3]

Question: These days everyone seems to have more and more possessions (e.g. computers, cars, mobile phones, etc.) Our strong desire to own these things is making us less aware of important personal qualities such as kindness and concern for others. Do you agree or disagree?

Essay:
In the process of industrial and technical development, the living quality increases everyday and people has own large number of material possessions like luxury, cars, mobile phones, and so on. This trend will help people have a better life in property and freedom society. However, in my point of view, people are losing their moral values such as kindness and concern for others because their strong desire to own these things.

First of all, in modern life, people are becoming more insensitive to their society. The pressures of jobs, the ambitious of having higher salary, higher position in company, all of these overloads them. They want to earn more money to buy all of things or afford for their life. Hence, they do not have enough time to concern anything or anyone around them.

Secondly, crime rate is on the rise in almost country in the world. Some employed people might do anything to earn money so that they can buy the things they want. According to a 2008 study by the Crime statistics for the United States, 14,180 people were murdered in America and the number of arrests for property crime was 1,248,000 cases.

In addition, the cupidity of people is destroying our earth. A lot of people are ready to exchange our natural environment to their benefits. They are not only the murderers but also the suicides. They kill many animals such as shark, tiger, rhino which pulled on brink of extinction. Deforestation, environmental pollutions are the consequences of human action.

In contrast, there are some people believe that the desire to possess these objects has not necessarily affected people's personal values. They point out that some rich people, for example, Bill Gates, the richest person, donates his earnings for charitable activities like poverty reduction in many developing countries in Africa. Nevertheless, this example is not the norm if we compare the number of people like Bill Gates with the number of crime as I mention before.

In conclusion, I strongly believe that materialism could negatively affect people's moral values. I do not deny that some there are a lot of people who are kind and helpful for life, however, money and other valuable possessions still directly influence on the behavior between people and people in modern social life.