Writing Feedback / IELTS "adult life at work" - What factors contribute to job satisfaction? [6]

Topic:
As most people spend a major part of their adult life at work, job satisfaction is an important element of individual wellbeing.
What factors contribute to job satisfaction?
How realistic is the expectation of job satisfaction for all workers?

Essay:

It is true that while people spend the large amount of time on their job, they want to enjoy and benefit from that. People satisfy their job for several ways, including well payment, good environment and a sense of achievement.

First of all, most people work for money to support their life. If the payment was lower than they expect, no one will be satisfied with their job. The well-payment will let employees feel worthy to do their job. The employers should consider the labor's contribution to pay reasonable money.

The work environment plays a important role when people choose their job. A good environment concludes comfortable and safety working surrounding and easy-going colleagues. When people are in a good mood, it will boost efficiency of working.

Achievement, in addition, is one of crucial factors for the employees. Some people could endure long working time and enormous pressure to gain their goal, since the success will bring self-satisfaction and happiness. If they can gain positive feedback from their work, people will fulfill their potential and promote them to make more efforts to work.

However, not everyone could find suitable job. It is difficult for people satisfying the job which they don't fascinate it. Finding a really appropriate work need fortunately opportunity. In a proportion of people want to change their job, because they do not pleased the contents of job which is boring and repeating.

In conclusion, even though it is impossible that all the workers content their job, it still has many functions to improve people to satisfy their job. The companies or employers can consider providing more well-payment, improving working place and fulfilling the high achievement. If the workers have more satisfaction of their job, they will bring more beneficial production.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Government-sponsored space travel wasted money and effort of our generation [2]

Topic:
Space travel to the moon is cited as a big step for the mankind. Some people think it made little difference to our daily lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

Essay:
Spaced travel, like enormous dream of scientists, has made a great achievement when the spaceman had the first step on the moon in 1960s. It is said that human's life is different from before and people will gain benefit from the space exploration. However, behind the space travel, government will over invest result in several problems.

First of all, travel space need to invest huge money to establish institutes, construct machine and cultivate amount of scientists. The investment, nevertheless, could never come back. The budget of space exploration could exclude other important budgets like social welfare which maybe more urgent for some group. In this case, space competition is far from people's daily life.

Another point is that government should take more responsibility to face and preserve earth environment rather than to explore space. Global warming, for example, is a serious problem that causes extreme climate change. The government should make polices to stop it worse and worse. It is not easy to find another plant like earth which breeds so many creatures and have such sophisticate ecosystem.

In conclusion, although space exploration takes human further to an unknown area, the government still need to consider how to balance the different requirement of people. The authority may concentrate on the urgent problems, instead of spending unreasonable money and effort on the immense space research.

Question:
If I hope to add another paragraph to make my argument more stronger before the conclusion, what could I say?

Thank you for your help.