okme_2008
Sep 26, 2011
Writing Feedback / Toefl Essay Topic: Telecommuting, working in an office? [4]
Hi, I just try to adjust some improper useages of your sentences, and the red rigions is the place where I correct your essay. So please check it out around these rigions carefully. In addition, I have to remind you that the structure of your essay still exists some problem, but I could not indicate it obviously in this correcting style. Hope what I have done useful to you.
Do you think telecommuting is more advantageous and common than working in an Office? Different people will give different responses to this question, depending on their own characteristics, emotional concerns, personal experiences and even educational backgrounds. However, I strongly believe that working in an office is more benefical . There are several reasons for my perspective as follows:
The first and foremost reason is that telecommuting interrupts social relationships. Social communication is one of the most important thing in human life. Nowadays , our jobs cover our lives completely. After doing our duties, we have a very little time to do other things. Therefore, working is very essential for us to communiace with others , and staying alone and sharing nothing to anyone is not healthy for human's pyschology. Just as the English proverb goes, 'There are some people who have the opposite view and prefer not to have any relation and do their duities by themselves .
In the second place, besides building up new relations at work, working in an Office provides you to join different kind of activities. Joining wine days or dinner organizations and going to sport centers, dance courses, concert organizations are examples of acting together. When you work alone in your home, you could not be aware about such kind of things.
Last but not least, working in an Office provides you better environment to get information about your job and make new progress in your profficiency. In addition, yo have a chance to discuss with your friends about one particular topic, and ask something that you have trouble in at work to the experienced employees. Job environment presents you a chance to help your collegeaus and get help from them .
In conclusion, working in an Office is much more advantageous than telecommuting. The sense of helping someone , joining activities with your colleagues, socializing, and getting friends are the some good ways Office environment brings to us. Therefore, I prefer to work with my colleagues and benefit from these good ways.
Hi, I just try to adjust some improper useages of your sentences, and the red rigions is the place where I correct your essay. So please check it out around these rigions carefully. In addition, I have to remind you that the structure of your essay still exists some problem, but I could not indicate it obviously in this correcting style. Hope what I have done useful to you.
Do you think telecommuting is more advantageous and common than working in an Office? Different people will give different responses to this question, depending on their own characteristics, emotional concerns, personal experiences and even educational backgrounds. However, I strongly believe that working in an office is more benefical . There are several reasons for my perspective as follows:
The first and foremost reason is that telecommuting interrupts social relationships. Social communication is one of the most important thing in human life. Nowadays , our jobs cover our lives completely. After doing our duties, we have a very little time to do other things. Therefore, working is very essential for us to communiace with others , and staying alone and sharing nothing to anyone is not healthy for human's pyschology. Just as the English proverb goes, 'There are some people who have the opposite view and prefer not to have any relation and do their duities by themselves .
In the second place, besides building up new relations at work, working in an Office provides you to join different kind of activities. Joining wine days or dinner organizations and going to sport centers, dance courses, concert organizations are examples of acting together. When you work alone in your home, you could not be aware about such kind of things.
Last but not least, working in an Office provides you better environment to get information about your job and make new progress in your profficiency. In addition, yo have a chance to discuss with your friends about one particular topic, and ask something that you have trouble in at work to the experienced employees. Job environment presents you a chance to help your collegeaus and get help from them .
In conclusion, working in an Office is much more advantageous than telecommuting. The sense of helping someone , joining activities with your colleagues, socializing, and getting friends are the some good ways Office environment brings to us. Therefore, I prefer to work with my colleagues and benefit from these good ways.