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Posts by Vexxious
Joined: Aug 15, 2011
Last Post: Aug 15, 2011
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Vexxious   
Aug 15, 2011
Undergraduate / Question about how Star Wars influences me Essay [5]

The prompt is: Discuss some issue of personal, local, national, or international concern and its importance to you

Throughout my life, I have been exposed to a large variety of characters, whether it was through movies, books, or other forms of entertainment. Out of all these characters, Obi-Wan "Ben" Kenobi , a Jedi from "Star Wars", is the one that sticks out of the crowd as a literary figure that has influenced me the most. He is a man who spent most of his adult life helping others, and I aspire to do the same by pursuing my dream of becoming an Orthopedic Surgeon. Helping those less fortunate with the skills he has accumulated is the greatest achievement of Obi-Wan, and I intend to emulate him.

Obi-Wan represents the things that I find to be most important, such as kindness, compassion, patience, and wisdom. These are all traits that I aim to one day consist of. If the life of Obi-Wan is anything to go by, these qualities will bring me far. That is why I try to employ them in my day to day life, whether it is through community service or tutoring my fellow students.

The most important lesson taught by Obi-Wan throughout the entirety of "Star Wars" is for his students to "use the force." I know that it is physically impossible for me to use the "Force" in a literal sense, but that is not the lesson I think he was trying to convey. What Obi-Wan did was teach me that there is a hero inside everyone. Whenever something daunting needs to be accomplished, I realized that I just needed to look deep within myself and (yeah, this is a weak ending)

I am applying with the CommonApp for Northwestern and wanted to know if this Essay was able to be fixed, if its too weak, and if I should start a new one. Even if you do not know much about star wars, any thoughts on this would be extremely helpful, as I start school tomorrow and want to get this finished by tonight.

Please do not hold back any comments or suggestions.
Thanks in advance!
Vexxious   
Aug 15, 2011
Undergraduate / "visiting my grandparents" - person who has influenced me in a significant way [4]

My grandparents don't quit being superheroes when the leaves begin to change and it's time for the lake house go into hibernation. , there are multiple tenses in this statement. I would advise making it all past tense.

Try changing it to, "My grandparent's didn't quit being superheroes when the leaves began to change and it was time for the lake house to go into hibernation."

Also, when you call it the "Up North Inn" I am not 100% sure, but i believe it should be in quotations, unless they own an Inn called that and I missed it.

I like the essay and feel free to keep it how it is, this is just my two cents
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