Jack Ahn
Aug 18, 2011
Writing Feedback / Could you live without TV? - Toefl iBT [4]
Hi, I am studying to be an engineer in Australia. This is the first time to edit someones' essay.
I hope this will be useful for you .
First of all, thereare many alternatives foris an alternative to watch television, such as internetsurfing the Internet . With the latest technology, wepeople can easily find the informationsor and entertainments which we need from interestarouse people's interest . For example, ifyousomeone would like to knowfind more informations about an extinct animal,Youthey may have to watch the discovery channel on the television,.B ut the Internetcan easily help peoplewill interest you can ask any question you wantwith thier problems . With thean enormous database onlineonline database , youpeople can probably find almostall kind of answers for any question. N, n ot to mention,you can access with IPhone, IPad anywhere anytime.
I don't think using words, such as "I, you, we ", is good idea in academical essay, so I changed that.
"internet " -> always use "the Internet " capital 'I' .
Sorry,I could not edit blue coloured part.
Hi, I am studying to be an engineer in Australia. This is the first time to edit someones' essay.
I hope this will be useful for you .
First of all, there
I don't think using words, such as "I, you, we ", is good idea in academical essay, so I changed that.
"internet " -> always use "the Internet " capital 'I' .
Sorry,I could not edit blue coloured part.