shaq395
Aug 18, 2011
Undergraduate / "the game show Jeopardy" - draft of my Common App personal essay [11]
Would someone please read my first draft? It's pretty bad, and any criticism would be welcomed.
During my middle school years, my father and I would routinely watch the game show Jeopardy after he came home from work. We would race to try to answer the questions, and with each question that I answered correctly, I would rub it in his face that he got beat by his son, three times his younger. However, what really made the show appealing to me was its host Alex Trebek. With the unique ability to combine uncanny astuteness and witty charm, Trebek seemed like a divine figure to my primitive twelve-year old mind. He was my greatest idol, and in eighth grade I had the chance to meet him.
I had won my school's geography bee and qualified for the state competition. After seeing the field of one hundred students be slowly whittled down, I found myself among only four remaining contestants. In order to advance to the national bee and meet Trebek, I only had to outlast three more people. My confidence began to grow with each progressive question, when the next one was posed.
"What country, with its largest city being Wahsah, was one of the first invaded during World War II?"
My previous overconfident state was quickly diminished to one of anxiety. I began to nervously fidget in my seat and my mouth dried up. I knew all the largest cities of European and North African countries involved in World War II, so I immediately focused on East Asia and Oceania, the regions of the world that I had the least knowledge of. I remembered from extensively playing Civilization II that, prior to the war, Japan invaded Manchuria, which seemed to be located in Mongolia. I knew that Mongolia's capital Ulaanbaatar was small, but I did not know if Wahsah was located in the country.
Having no better option, I timidly whispered "Mongolia?" as my answer. I expected the bell's ding, and sure enough it came swiftly. The judge said, "I'm sorry. Your answer is incorrect. The correct answer would be Poland."
I stood at the podium stunned. Had I been deceived? I knew that Poland's largest city was also its capital, Warsaw, not Wahsah. Then it hit me. I did not take his thick Brooklyn accent into account. As I stumbled across the stage and out of the auditorium, I felt cheated. It was unfair that I couldn't advance, simply from a different pronunciation. My dream of meeting Alex Trebek was dashed.
My only memento of the state geography bee was an extra large t-shirt that still does not fit me to this day. I did not meet Trebek, win money, or even get handed a certificate or trophy. Over the next month, watching the national competition and even watching Jeopardy, the show I had always loved, became a struggle. Eventually, however, I was able to get over my elimination, and it actually fueled me to be a more careful and attentive person. I realized that my lack of focus was the ultimate impediment of my dream to meet Trebek, not a simple accent.
Perhaps I could meet Alex Trebek on Jeopardy in the future.
Would someone please read my first draft? It's pretty bad, and any criticism would be welcomed.
During my middle school years, my father and I would routinely watch the game show Jeopardy after he came home from work. We would race to try to answer the questions, and with each question that I answered correctly, I would rub it in his face that he got beat by his son, three times his younger. However, what really made the show appealing to me was its host Alex Trebek. With the unique ability to combine uncanny astuteness and witty charm, Trebek seemed like a divine figure to my primitive twelve-year old mind. He was my greatest idol, and in eighth grade I had the chance to meet him.
I had won my school's geography bee and qualified for the state competition. After seeing the field of one hundred students be slowly whittled down, I found myself among only four remaining contestants. In order to advance to the national bee and meet Trebek, I only had to outlast three more people. My confidence began to grow with each progressive question, when the next one was posed.
"What country, with its largest city being Wahsah, was one of the first invaded during World War II?"
My previous overconfident state was quickly diminished to one of anxiety. I began to nervously fidget in my seat and my mouth dried up. I knew all the largest cities of European and North African countries involved in World War II, so I immediately focused on East Asia and Oceania, the regions of the world that I had the least knowledge of. I remembered from extensively playing Civilization II that, prior to the war, Japan invaded Manchuria, which seemed to be located in Mongolia. I knew that Mongolia's capital Ulaanbaatar was small, but I did not know if Wahsah was located in the country.
Having no better option, I timidly whispered "Mongolia?" as my answer. I expected the bell's ding, and sure enough it came swiftly. The judge said, "I'm sorry. Your answer is incorrect. The correct answer would be Poland."
I stood at the podium stunned. Had I been deceived? I knew that Poland's largest city was also its capital, Warsaw, not Wahsah. Then it hit me. I did not take his thick Brooklyn accent into account. As I stumbled across the stage and out of the auditorium, I felt cheated. It was unfair that I couldn't advance, simply from a different pronunciation. My dream of meeting Alex Trebek was dashed.
My only memento of the state geography bee was an extra large t-shirt that still does not fit me to this day. I did not meet Trebek, win money, or even get handed a certificate or trophy. Over the next month, watching the national competition and even watching Jeopardy, the show I had always loved, became a struggle. Eventually, however, I was able to get over my elimination, and it actually fueled me to be a more careful and attentive person. I realized that my lack of focus was the ultimate impediment of my dream to meet Trebek, not a simple accent.
Perhaps I could meet Alex Trebek on Jeopardy in the future.